Today, Yesterday And Tomorrow
by Ilaria
Summary: This begins after the movie. Lucilla and Lucius are in exile on an island and Maximus is dead... or is he not? This is for all the people that asked me a Maximus/Lucilla story.
1. I

TODAY, YESTERDAY AND TOMORROW

By Ilaria

TODAY

Caprae, 181AD, early autumn.

"Look, Mother, look!" Lucius' excited voice made Annia Aurelia Galeria Lucilla lower her eyes to the beach, just in time to see her son jump from a rock and dive gracefully into the water.  A few seconds later his head resurfaced from the sea and he waved to his mother, a joyous grin on his face. Marcus Aurelius' daughter waved back, managing a smile with some effort. It should have been good to see her boy so cheerful and carefree, but she could not share his happiness, because she knew their lives were in great danger, even more now than when her brother had been alive.

Alive... only two mouths had passed since Commodus was killed in the Colosseum and the brief sense of peace and safety and relief that Lucilla had felt with his death had disappeared, taking away the only good thing left to her after that terrible day. The day she had lost the only man she ever loved...the day she had lost Maximus.

His death, and the last look in his eyes before he had closed them forever, had come to haunt her dreams many times, making her wake up in the darkness of her chamber with her face covered by tears and her heart full of regrets and guilt. Time and time again Lucilla had re-lived that night in Rome, asking herself if and how she could have changed the events. She remembered her visit in the _Ludus Magnus and her conversation with Maximus. She remembered how soft his eyes had been, and how many years had passed since the last time he had looked at her that way. Gone had been the resentment. Gone had been the bitterness. Gone had been the hate she had seen when they had first met in the Colosseum cells. Only tenderness and care remained. And a bit of love, perhaps. Or at least it was what she chose to believe. _

Then there had been that kiss, tender and achingly passionate- a kiss of forgiveness, of hope and, once again for her, of love. A kiss that made her leave the _Ludus Magnus hoping that maybe, just maybe, there could still be a future for her and Maximus._

But, of course, her dream had lasted just the time it took her to return to the Palace, to Commodus- and to her betrayal. 

Lucilla sighed and returned to the present to look at Lucius, who was now sitting on a rock, with his feet splashing in the water, the still warm September sun caressing his skin and strengthening his bones. She felt a bout of fear grip her heart as she wondered once again about what was going to happen to them. She did not really care about herself; she would gladly spend the rest of her life in exile on the island or in some other forsaken place if that would guarantee Lucius' safety. But unfortunately it was not so: to the eyes of the men fighting like mad dogs for the imperial throne, Lucius represented a great obstacle to their ambitions, because he was Marcus Aurelius' only heir, and the Roman populace had not forgotten the wise, old, late Caesar. Even Commodus' crazy reign of terror had not erased the memories of all the good things his father had done. Lucilla - and Senator Gracchus with her - had hoped to use that legacy to make the populace and the city's ruling class accept her father's last wishes, to transform the empire back to a republic, but it had not worked. The Praetorians had seized the power and sold the Purple to the highest bidder, former consul Helvius Pertinax, whose first move had been to send Lucilla and Lucius to Caprae. It had been said to the Roman populace they were gone on vacation to rest after the series of disgraces that had befallen their family, but Lucilla knew in reality they had been exiled, taken away from the public life, because they were too dangerous. They were still too popular with the mob to be eliminated but, as she had told to Commodus, people were fickle, and their memories short. An old proverb said, "out of sight, out of mind" and Lucilla was afraid it was exactly what Pertinax and the Praetorians were planning for her and Lucius.

Unbidden, a tear slid along her cheek and she hastily retreated from the marble balustrade she was leaning against, lest Lucius noticed her cry. She dried her eyes angrily and looked at the sea trying to distract herself. But it did not work. The blue-green colour of the water brought back memories of Maximus' aquamarine eyes and the softness of his voice when he had murmured his last words before dying: "Lucius is safe." Her son's safety had been Maximus' last gift to her.  He had died to give her the freedom to mourn her father, and no longer live in a prison of fear. And now that she was once again living in terror and Rome was in the hands of corrupted men, his sacrifice seemed completely useless, the total waste of a good man's life. He had deserved so much more and she just hoped he could not see, from Elysium, what Rome had become now and how Quintus Aemilius Laetus, the Praetorian prefect, who had been so solicitous with his former commander in the Colosseum, had betrayed him another time.

"I am sorry, Maximus," Lucilla whispered,  looking at the sky.  "I am sorry, Father. I tried to follow your wishes, but I was not able to make them real. I don't deserve your forgiveness, but please intercede with the gods, ask them to protect Lucius. He is innocent, he does not deserve to pay for my mistakes...please."

The sound of approaching steps brought Lucilla back to reality, and she quickly brushed her tears away, because she did not want to be seen - she could not be seen - showing weakness in public. A black-clad Praetorian stepped on the terrace during one of his rounds of inspection and looked at her, bowing his head in her direction. Lucilla replied to his gesture, feeling a flick of relief in her heart. The guard's bow had been full of deference, a sign that whatever was happening in the Urbe, she was still considered deign of the highest respect; a sign she had not yet become unimportant and ready to be eliminated. At least for the moment Lucius and she were safe. 

But for how long?

Caprae, early winter 181AD 

The room was silent but for the combined breaths of its occupants. There was tension in the air; as the spectators of the game, their eyes fixed on the _latrunculi board, awaiting one of the players' next move. And when it came, it was met by a round of hand clapping. _

"You win again, my lady." The man exclaimed, bowing to the woman sitting at the other side of the table, "You are the most gifted player I have ever met."

Lucilla smiled, her green eyes shining, "Thank you Publius, but you too are a brilliant player."

Lucius' tutor, an olive skinned, dark-haired man in his early forties, shook his head, "You are very kind, my lady, but I know the truth. I cannot compete with you."

"Publius is right, Mother,  you are very good with this game, but why have you never told me you played?" There was a slight note of accusation in Lucius' voice. 

Lucilla turned to look at him, feeling a bout of guilt grip her. Her son was right, she had never told him she played _latrunculi, even knowing her boy loved the game. And the reason of it was in Rome she had never had enough time for playing a game that might last hours. She had always been too busy during Lucius' young life: there had been gatherings to organize, spectacles and receptions to attend, and a thousand other functions she had to perform as daughter of an emperor, wife to another and sister to a third.  As her father before her, she had to put the Empire before everything else and Lucius had paid the price of it- until Commodus had committed the deed, had killed their father and suddenly everything had changed, opening her eyes, and showing her what truly mattered to her. With her brother's rise to the throne, the future of the empire had lost importance and her son had become the most important thing in her world, as the politician had given way to the mother.  Oh, she had continued to take care of the state business, but with a different spirit and a different end: to protect her son, she had done everything, from plotting her brother's murder to betraying the only man she had ever loved._

And now that her son was once again in danger, Lucilla could only grieve about the lost opportunities, berating herself for not having spent enough time with her boy, for not having given him all the love he deserved when she had the occasion to do so. 'It seems the story of my life', she thought bitterly, 'to have not loved enough the people I cared for, taking them for granted, thinking there would always be enough time, until it was too late...'

"Did you hear me, Mother? Mother? Are you all right?" Lucius' voice called her back to the present.

Lucilla smiled self-consciously, "Yes, I am fine, just a bit tired. What were you saying?"

Lucius nodded and replied, "Publius and I were wondering about something..."

"Yes?" She eagerly said, thankful that Lucius seemed to have dropped his previous line of thought.

"Who taught you the game? I know grandfather did not play _latrunculi and father was not very good at it...So who was your teacher?"_

Lucilla smiled sadly, "A soldier. He used to say the game was good to exercise his strategy skills and he was the greatest player I ever met." She turned to look in her son's eyes and added, "It was Maximus. He taught me to play a long time ago, in Hispania." 

"Oh." Lucius was clearly surprised by the revelation, but before he was able to formulate one of the many questions he wanted to ask, she rose to her feet and said, "We can talk more about this another day; now it is very late and it is time for all of us to go to bed."

Publius and her _ancellae* imitated her, as Lucius did. Lucilla put an arm around her son's shoulders and murmured, "Get ready to sleep, I will shortly come to wish you good night."_

The boy smiled and after kissing his mother's cheek, he walked away, followed by two maids. 

Lucilla gestured to the rest of her servants that she wanted to stay alone, and after the door closed behind the last of the _ancellae's back, she approached the window and looked outside into the darkness surrounding the villa, and let her mind return to a summer of many years before, when she was still a carefree girl, her heart full of dreams, thus trying to forget, at least for a while, the regrets, the guilt and the worry that were now her constant companions.... to return to hope.  _

*Female slaves/servants

YESTERDAY

Emerita Augusta, 170AD, early summer

Lucilla looked around the hall full of people, trying to locate her father; she had left his side for just few minutes to go to her bedroom and pick up a lighter _palla because the evening was very hot, and at her return he had disappeared. It should have been easy to find him, since as Caesar, he was the only man in the room wearing a purple __toga.  But in all that confusion, in a house she still did not know well, with the guests assembled in groups to talk, servants moving between them with food and drinks and the musicians playing in the background, the task seemed much more complex._

"Can I help you in some way, my lady? You seem a bit lost," a deep, male voice enquired from behind her back. The seventeen year-old princess turned around, ready for a sharp reply to whoever had dared to presume she was in difficulty, but her words died on her lips when she met the most amazing pair of blue-green eyes she had ever seen. Those eyes, which were looking at her with a sincere desire to help and no hint of irony, belonged to a tribune _laticlavius, who promptly bowed his head to her, "My lady."_

"Tribune," she replied, noticing how he looked straight at her but without that arrogant attitude so common in young patricians. He was standing in front of her without pretence, without trying to impress her with his good looks, as it often happened, even if Lucilla was indeed very impressed by the handsome, dark haired and bearded unknown soldier. But who was he? Having been taught to never disclose her weaknesses, whatever they might be, the young woman did not voice her question but smiled at the soldier and said, "I am looking for my father, the emperor. Could you help me to find him?"

"My lady, I saw Caesar leave the room with the governor directed to the latter's _tablinium. I can take you there, if you wish." The soldier's voice was deep, soft, almost silky, and Lucilla felt a shiver running down her spine, as she tried hard not to stare into his eyes. Why did he have such an effect on her? She was used to meeting young men in Rome, used to talking with them without losing her cool detachment, so what was different about him that made her forget what she wanted to say and lose herself in the blue of his irises? Lucilla mentally shook herself and answered, "That would be most pleasing, Tribune."_

The young man nodded, bowed his head to her, before pointing to a corridor that opened in the wall near their right. "This way, please."

Followed by the princess' _ancellae, they left the __peristilium to enter the more private quarters of the governor's residence, Lucilla proceeding side by side with the soldier, a discreet distance between them. She did not use the trip to memorize the rooms' layout, but to study the young man' s profile, admiring his straight nose and strong jaw, silently wondering if his well-trimmed beard was as soft as it looked. Her father's voice brought her back to reality and Lucilla almost blushed as she realized how she was behaving and hoped the tribune did not see her staring. Getting rein of herself, Lucilla looked straight ahead, thus not noticing the look of fascination and approval her companion gave her._

They turned a last corner and ended up in another, smaller hall, where Lucilla's father, Caesar Marcus Aurelius, was busy talking with a couple of provincial _eques. The sovereign immediately noticed his daughter and his eyes brightened, as he motioned her to come closer. Lucilla had always known she was her father's favourite child, and the obvious joy he had just shown, made her feel even happier to have been allowed to follow him in his round of inspection of the Iberian provinces, and to take the place of her mother, who was once again lying with child in Rome and could not travel along with her husband. However, she was stunned when the same look of approval he had just bestowed on her was also directed at her companion. The action surprised her very much and filled her with an even greater curiosity. Who was the young tribune? At that moment Caesar saluted the men he was speaking to and approached the young pair._

"My daughter, thank you for coming to my rescue!" he began, reaching out his hands to take the girl's, "Those men were trying to voice all the province problems as if today were the only occasion they have to do so, while instead they will have the next two months for complaining without hurry!" The emperor's eyes shone with frustration but also a hint of amusement.

Lucilla smiled at her father, she knew that for him there was nothing more important than the Empire and the well being of its inhabitants, but the two politicians had really worn him out very badly to cause such a reaction. "Peace, Father, they will learn soon enough there is a time for everything," she replied, quoting one of his favourite lines.

Marcus Aurelius answered her smile with one of his own, squeezed her hands in gratitude and then left her to concentrate on her companion, who bowed his head at once.

"Maximus, it is a pleasure to see you again," the older man said.

"You honour me, Caesar, by remembering me."

The Emperor waved his words away and looked at him from head to toe, "I am happy to see your leg healed well." Immediately Lucilla's green eyes dropped down to stare at the soldier's legs, finally noticing a scar marring the skin of his left knee: it disappeared beneath the hem of his wine-red tunic and the girl idly wondered where it ended. 'I would like to have a closer look at it,' she thought before resolutely stopping her musings and returning to look up, just in time to hear the tribune's reply.

"The surgeons did a wonderful job, Caesar, and Hispania's warm climate instead of the Germanian dampness did the rest."

"I am glad to hear it. Do you know the tribes on the border are still licking their wounds after the defeat you inflicted on them? This is the second summer they did not raid villages or attack forts."

"That's good news, Caesar, but I won't trust them to stay quiet for much longer. We bent them but we did not break them and they will return to attack." The tribune said with calm.

"I think exactly the same thing...That is one of the reasons I am so happy to see you back in good health: there is the possibility you might have to finish your tribunate in Germania _Superior, because the general appointed there might need your experience." Marcus Aurelius' voice was almost apologetic, as if he was actually sorry he had to send the soldier back to the front, but the younger man simply nodded._

"Just issue the order, Caesar." He commented with seriousness.

Lucilla watched the conversation in fascination. It was evident her father knew the tribune - Maximus, what a rare and beautiful name! - very well and kept him in  highest esteem. His voice was full of admiration, as the girl had rarely heard before, and his gaze betrayed a great fondness.... Lucilla realized with shock her father had never looked at her brother, Commodus, in the same way. It was also true her nine year-old sibling had given their father very few occasions to feel proud of him. As curious as she had never been, the princess was about to ask for a formal introduction, when another tribune stepped near them and, after getting Caesar's permission, approached his colleague and whispered something into his ear. Lucilla watched Maximus' tanned face turn pale, while Marcus Aurelius voiced the same question she wanted to ask, "What happened?"

"It seems a group of drunken men caused a brawl in a tavern and my manservant Cicero was caught in it. He-he was badly wounded in his face and the surgeon is not sure he will survive," the tribune's eyes were very sad, "The boy is asking for me. Caesar, may I have your leave to go to visit him?"

"Of course, Son! You don't need to ask! Go at once! I will recommend the boy to the gods in my prayers, I remember how well he cared for you when you were wounded...he looked more like a friend than a servant."

"Indeed he is. One of my best friends." Maximus forced a smile before, with a last bow to Marcus Aurelius and Lucilla, he turned around and walked quickly away.

Father and daughter watched him disappear and then she asked, "What's his name? We didn't have time to introduce ourselves." 

"He is Maximus Decimus Meridas, son of Marcus, former governor of Lusitania."  Answered Marcus Aurelius.

"I don't think I have ever heard about him." 

"I am not surprised, my daughter: Marcus left Rome almost 25 years ago and as far as I know, his son has never put a foot there."

"What? But he is a tribune _laticlavius, a member of the senatorial class, how it is possible he should never have been in the Capital?" Lucilla was shocked, because what her father was saying was totally unheard of._

"It is the result of a series of unfortunate events. As I said before, Marcus Decimus Meridas became governor of Lusitania more than twenty years ago and travelled from Rome carrying his young wife with him and Maximus was born here, in this very house, the governor's residence. A couple of years later, Marcus' wife caught an illness that left her paralysed from her waist down. The doctors advised Marcus a travel to Rome might have killed her and thus he decided not to return to the Urbe after his office as governor ended, but to remain here in Spain and retire to private life. He and I had known each other in Rome - you can say we were friends - and I was not surprised by his decision, because he loved his wife very much. Anyway, he bought a large estate in a village near Emerita Augusta and settled down with his family, becoming a country gentleman and a provincial politician."

Lucilla nodded, "I see. He is not the first ex governor to decide to not return to the Capital, but I don't understand why he did not send his son to Rome to complete his studies. Everyone does so."

"I know, my daughter, and in fact Marcus wanted to send his son to Rome, he even enquired with me about the best schools. However, when Maximus was fourteen years old and almost ready to leave, Marcus was trampled on by a horse and he too remained crippled."

"Oh my gods!"

Marcus Aurelius nodded slowly at his daughter's exclamation. "With both his parents impaired, Maximus took the reins of the family's estates in Hispania and Italia and decided to not leave home, but to complete his education under the tutelage of tutors coming from Rome, the best ones Marcus could find.  They did a wonderful job with the boy, even if I suspect his having to care for his parents and the family business contributed more to Maximus' formation than all the tutors' lessons added together." The emperor concluded, grinning like a proud father.

"What an interesting story," Lucilla commented, not just to say something, but because she was really intrigued and fascinated by the young soldier her father esteemed so much. "And then you met Maximus in Germania?"

"Yes, two years ago. In the last years, I had lost contact with Marcus and thus I was surprised to find Maximus serving his tribunate in Germania. He later explained to me that he had not been very happy to leave his parents alone, but that his father had insisted he did not renounce from his political career because of him and in the end Maximus agreed. And I am very happy he did so, because he is one of the most gifted tacticians and military leaders I have ever met. He is born to be a general and one day he will be one. Do you know he prevented the loss of two fortresses along the Danube-Rhine frontier by leading and coordinating their defences all alone?"

"How did he do it?"

"Well, we were in the aftermath of a bloody battle and the legions in Germany needed reinforcements, but the winter arrived sooner than predicted and by early October the roads had become impassable. Maximus' legion, the Felix III, had taken a terrible beating in the battle, resulting in the loss of its general and the other three tribunes _laticlavi, so that Maximus, at only 21 years of age and during his first year of service found himself in command of a demoralized army, without enough men or supplies to protect the sector of the __limes trusted in its care. Maximus split his men in two groups and took control of the two fortresses. He spent all winter travelling back and forth to keep the men's moral high and control the situation. He then invented a code based on the use of visual signals such as burning arrows to communicate with a fortress when he was in the other, which turned out to be when the barbarians, noticing the shortage of men guarding that sector of the border, decided to attack.  They tried to break inside many times during that winter, without avail. Then, in the spring, they attacked once again, with a superior force. This time they were able to break inside the fort Maximus was in, and he was wounded, badly, to his leg. However he continued to lead and command his men, spurring them to resist, until I arrived with the reinforcements and the long awaited supplies." Marcus Aurelius looked into a distance, as if he was back in that time. "I don't think I have ever seen a group of such badly  reduced legionaries. They were hungry, dirty, tired, but they moral was high and all because of Maximus. I was told some of them had wanted to desert when the situation had got so bad, but they stayed because they could not leave their leader alone. With his example and his unwavering confidence Rome would not have abandoned them, he had given the men hope and even veteran centurions agreed it was all because of a 21 year-old tribune if we still had our fortresses. Maximus on the other hand told me it was all because of his men." Caesar smiled and then sobered again, "The first time Maximus reported to me after the battle he practically fainted in my arms because of his leg wound. He was unconscious for three days. His men gave me all the reports I needed and the more I heard them talk of their young commander, the more I prayed the gods to spare him, because Rome needs people like him. And they listened to my prayers."_

'And I am glad they did', thought Lucilla. What her father had just said had made her think Maximus was indeed a special man, with a terrific personality to match his handsome looks and she just hoped to be able to meet him again. 'Soon, preferably,' she mentally added, looking in the direction where he had gone, one of her hands idly playing with her chestnut hair.

*****

Ten days later Lucilla was summoned to the apartment her father occupied in the governor's residence. It consisted of only few rooms, a far cry from the giant imperial Palace on the Palatine Hill in Rome, but Caesar seemed to enjoy the reduced space, often claiming it offered less distractions and more opportunity to concentrate. As for Lucilla, she too liked her quarters, but the lack of social life was beginning to bore her, since she and her maidens had almost covered all the possible topics for conversation.

"Did you call me, Father?" the princess asked, as she stepped into the _tablinium._

Marcus Aurelius raised his eyes from the desk and smiled at his comely daughter. "Yes, Lucilla, I called for you. I have a task for you." 

The young woman's eyes shone with interest. "What kind of task, Father?"

Caesar rose from his chair and walked around the desk to stand near his daughter. "The city _duumviri have arranged a play for this afternoon, but unfortunately I won't be able to attend because I have an already scheduled meeting with the judges of the imperial tribunal to listen to some petitions. So, I would like for you to go to the theatre in my place, to represent me."_

Lucilla nodded with enthusiasm, "I will certainly go, Father."

Caesar grinned, "I was sure of it, in fact I have already arranged an escort for you. Tribune Maximus will come with you, as chief of your guards."

The girl's heart almost jumped out of her chest as she heard her father's words: Maximus was going with her! What wonderful news! In the last ten days she had seen just some glimpses of him, while he crossed the corridors of the governor's residence or inner yard, always with a purposeful stride that indicated business and great seriousness. Lucilla knew the tribune was serving as a secretary of the governor, to polish his administrative skills for his future offices as _quaestor, __aedilis and __praetor, all the necessary steps of the 'course of honour' he needed to take to become worthy of the command of a legion, a task requiring military and political skills.  She could not wait to meet him again, to really have a chance to talk with him and come to know him better. Suddenly, the boredom that had threatened her vacation time disappeared like snow under the sun as the girl kissed her father's cheek, before leaving the room with steps lighter than those of a dancer. _

*****

Lucilla rose to her feet and clapped her hands when the actors came out on the stage and bowed in front of the audience, and she saw Maximus do the same at her side. The play, a comedy by Plautus, had been very funny and well performed but, as far as the princess was concerned, not as entertaining as the tribune's company. In Rome, women and men sat in separate sectors of the theatre when attending a play, but this time an exception had been made for Caesar's daughter, and she had spent two wonderful hours sitting with the handsome tribune at her side, commenting the plot and the characters with him and discovering he had a dry and ready sense of humour. What a pity he showed it so little.

"Are you ready to go, my lady?" Maximus' voice intruded in her thoughts and she nodded. 

"Yes, I am ready. But I don't want to return to the governor's residence just yet, it is such a wonderful afternoon I would like to visit the city."

"There is no problem, my lady, I am at your complete disposal. We can do everything you wish." The tribune smiled at her then offered her his elbow, which she shyly took, letting him guide her outside the theatre.

*****

They walked along the town streets for a long time, Lucilla always keeping her hand on the tribune's forearm. He was not wearing his uniform that day, but a white _tunica and his senatorial __toga with the purple hem and he looked even more attractive than in his leather cuirass. She felt a strange sensation originating from where her hand touched his skin and her heart began to race. Time and time again she had overheard her maids speaking of being in love with this or that servant or soldier, or she had talked about handsome young patricians with her friends, but never before, in her sheltered and controlled life, a man had caused her this reaction. Was she in love? She was not sure.... and perhaps it would have been better to forget such a thought._

"Are you all right, my lady?" The concern in Maximus' voice made her realize she had been silent and lost in her world for a long time and she squeezed his arm in reassurance.

"Yes, Maximus, I was just thinking."

"May I ask about what, my lady?" He turned to look at her, a slight smile on his lips.

"About what I have to do to convince you to stop calling me, "my lady," she lied. "My name is Lucilla."

"It would not be appropriate, my lady, you are Caesar's daughter."

"Well, if it is so, I think I might order you to call me by my name. What do you think?" She stopped walking to stare into his eyes.

"Are you going to do so? To order me around?" Maximus sustained her gaze. 

"No, I don't want to give orders to you, but I would like for you to respect my request. Please call me Lucilla, at least when we are not in public. I would really love it."

The tribune did not reply for several seconds, but then he did, the grin that started from his lips to reach his eyes told her his answer even before he spoke.

"How can I not obey such a gracious request, Lucilla?"

The sound of his voice saying her name and the expression of his face were almost too much for the girl, who felt her knees buckle and she actually became light-headed. However, she recovered quickly and trying to distract herself, joked, "See? I've always said you can obtain everything with good manners." She cocked her eyebrow at him and Maximus replied to her with a hearty laugh, before they started to walk again. 

*****

Half an hour later, while they were examining a wine vendor's stand in the market and Maximus was telling Lucilla how he was able to recognize the areas of origin of the various wines by the shape of the amphorae or the producers' marks on them, a centurion approached them waving his hand and calling aloud,"I finally found you, Meridas! I have something important to discuss with you."

The tribune turned his head to look at the newcomer and murmured, "I did not know I got lost."

Lucilla grinned as the other man stared, without understanding why they were laughing.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, it was only a joke. So Livius, what do you want to tell me that is so important to make you forget your manners?" Maximus gestured with his head to Lucilla.

The centurion looked at the richly dressed young woman, then at the group of Praetorians standing behind her and was quick to put two and two together.

"Oh my gods," he exclaimed, falling to his knees. "Please forgive me, _domina, I am mortified."_

Lucilla smiled and said, "It's all right, Livius. Please stand up."

The soldier obeyed and stood in silence in front of the princess and her companion, seeming to have lost his ability to speak, until Maximus coaxed him. "Well? What did you want to tell me?"

Livius blushed, darting a look at Caesar's daughter, before muttering, "It is not very important..."

"Instead it seemed so to me," commented Lucilla. "Please tell us, you made me very curious."

The centurion knew he could not ignore her request and thus said, "I was wondering when we can organize another game..."

Maximus grinned at once, "Aha, so you want a re-match!" 

"I think you owe me one! I want a chance to win back my wine!"

"Of course, I will give you another chance, just don't cry if you lose again!"

"Tribune!" The centurion straightened in all his weight, embarrassed by his superior's comment in front of Caesar's daughter, but managed to keep his composure, not wanting to disgrace himself another time. "When can we arrange the match?"

"What about tomorrow evening? I am free."

"So am I."

"Then it is settled, we will have our game in the library of the governor's palace, as usual."

"All right." Livius nodded, then bowed deeply to Lucilla, saluted Maximus sharply and walked away.

As they watched the centurion disappear among the persons crowding the market area, the princess turned to the tribune, a confused expression on her face. "What is this about? What kind of game were you talking about?"

Maximus looked at her and while they began to walk again he explained to her, "We were speaking about _latrunculi. Do you know about the game?"_

"I have heard of it, but I never assisted to a game."

"It is a game of strategic ability played with pawns and a board. If you like, you might assist to tomorrow's game. It will be a re-match: Livius and I played last week. He considers himself the best player of the legion - and he is truly good - but last time he was badly beaten, losing the two amphorae of Falernian he had bet on his victory...and now he wants them back!" Maximus winked to her and Lucilla laughed in delight.

"Then I will certainly be present at the game! I won't miss it for anything in the world."

"Good! I am sure you will find it interesting. Centurion Livius is a very boisterous player and a very funny character, as you have seen."

Lucilla nodded absent-mindedly, already knowing, the next evening, all of her attention would not be reverted to Livius or the game but only to Maximus... 

*****

Lucilla's previsions turned out to be right, at least in part. In fact, if it was true she gave all of her attention to Maximus, it was equally true she was fascinated by the game, to the point of wanting to learn to play it.

She voiced her desire aloud, just after Maximus beat Livius again and the centurion had left the room scorned.

"I think that would be a good idea, Lucilla," commented Marcus Aurelius, who had assisted at the last part of the game. "I have always wanted to learn, but when I was young I did not know anyone able to teach me, and when I found a teacher, I no longer had the time to practice. But you are lucky, my daughter, you now have the time to learn and I am sure Maximus will be happy to teach you to play."

"Of course, Caesar, it will be a pleasure." The tribune replied at once and Lucilla felt a shiver run along her spine, because her ears, which were becoming very attuned to Maximus' voice, had caught the note of enthusiasm in his tone. He was truly happy to spend time with her; he was not doing it because it was his duty and that consideration made her want to jump with joy. In her heart she was sure something special was happening between her and Maximus; it was developing slowly and she did not know where it might lead her, but she knew she did not want it to stop, not now- not ever.

******

The next day, after the end of the tribune's duty, Lucilla and Maximus found themselves once again in the library, sitting at a table across from each other, with a wooden board between them. They exchanged a smile before Maximus began his lesson, with a historical introduction about the origins of the _latrunculi, which derived from a Greek game called __Petteia, known since the time of the Trojan War. Then he started to explain the rules of the game. _

"These are the pawns," he said pointing at the pieces set on the board, "As you can see there are two kinds of pieces: the _mandrae, the simple ones, and the __bellatores, also called __milites, which are much more powerful. They both move along the board on straight lines, but following different rules...Lucilla, are you listening to me?" _

"Yes, yes, I am listening, I was just trying to picture the moves you described to me," the princess said quickly, not wanting to betray she had been daydreaming, lulled by Maximus' warm voice and fascinated by the view of his big, strong hands moving gracefully along the board, almost caressing the wooden little pieces, making her wonder how they would feel like on her skin. The thought made her blush, and she pushed it resolutely away, returning her focus to the _latrunculi. However, a stifled giggle behind her back alerted Lucilla that her maids, present in the room for decency's sake, had not been fooled by her words; luckily Maximus seemed to believe her because, after throwing a confused look at her __ancellae, he began to talk again. This time Lucilla forced herself to concentrate on the game, but it was not easy, not easy at all. _

*****

The lessons continued in the following days and under Maximus' tutelage, Lucilla's skills with the _latrunculi improved quickly. She loved the game because it was not a mere matter of luck as the dice, but instead it required using the brain to create a plan of action while trying to surmise your opponent's moves. The young woman liked to test herself in that way, but she was aware the greatest part of her enjoyment came from the fact she was spending time with Maximus. The __latrunculi were usually played in silence, to allow maximum concentration, but the tribune and the princess often talked during their games, such as to teach the girl to think and elaborate moves and counter moves even in distracting situations, and those conversations were the moments she treasured most. They spoke of everything, from their childhood to their favourite books, from their tutors to their pet animals. Lucilla was fascinated by the obvious love Maximus nurtured for his home in Trujillo, love which transpired in his vivid descriptions of gently rolling hills, of wheat fields waving in the wind, of a pink stoned villa surrounded by cypresses, making the girl wish to visit the place one day. On the other hand, he was captured by her tales about Rome, and by the descriptions of the many temples, large forums and basilicas, and of the mighty Colosseum, even if he was sickened by the whole concept of the gladiatorial games. Lucilla tended to agree with him - she hated the spectacles, preferring instead the horse races in the Circus Maximus and she promised herself to take Maximus there, when he would settle down in Rome to begin his political career; she was sure he would have appreciated the races._

*****

Soon the "lessons" with Maximus became the centre of Lucilla's life. She knew she had fallen in love with the ruggedly handsome soldier and she was always counting the time until she could see him again or spent hours on the terrace of her room, daydreaming or talking about him with her maids; especially with the dark haired Illyrian girl who was her best friend.

Delia, that was the _ancella's name, was a bit older than Lucilla, and much more expert than the younger girl about the things that occurred between women and men. The princess had been always curious about the subject, as it was normal for a young woman of her age, but now her interest became much more urgent and intense and her questions became very pointed. That day she asked Delia if there was some safe way to avoid pregnancy, the maid knew something potentially dangerous was boiling in the pot, and that her mistress' innocent interest for the very manly tribune that was teaching her to play __latrunculi had become something much more serious. It was a shock for her and thus she tried to bring Lucilla back to reason, and away from certain thoughts. _

"My lady," she said, her voice betraying all of her shock, "Why are you asking such a question? You cannot really think of giving yourself to that soldier!" 

"Why not?" Lucilla replied, feigning a certainty she was far from feeling. "I love him and I want him to be my first man, if it will be possible."

"I won't allow it. I cannot allow it!" Delia almost cried, but her mistress walked near her, and taking her hands in her own, she said, "But you will let me, because you know this might be the only chance I have to know real love. You know it is highly unlikely I will find it in Lucius Verus' bed, a man old enough to be my father and interested only in the sons I will give to him..."

"I know, Lucilla, I know." The maid squeezed Lucilla's hands, "And you are right, I cannot deny you this. But you must promise me to be very careful and not to take any risk..." Delia stared hard at the other girl's eyes, forgetting for a while all the class barriers to become only a woman concerned for her friend's well being.

"I will be very careful, don't worry."  Lucilla commented reassuringly, then her face saddened and took a wishful expression as she added softly, "After all, these might as well remain only dreams, as far as Maximus is concerned...He has never shown interest in me. Oh, I do not doubt he likes me as a friend and _latrunculi opponent, but as for the rest..." her voice died and she lowered her eyes, to hide her pain._

Delia's fingers sneaked under her chin and when their gazes met again, the black-haired girl murmured with conviction, "He is in love with you, Lucilla, I am sure of it. He is trying to control his feelings, but his eyes betray him when he looks at you every time he thinks you cannot notice him. It is just a matter of time, trust me, and this makes even more urgent you learn some things you really need to know. Now wait here, I have something to show you in my room."

Lucilla watched Delia disappear from her chamber, her heart in turmoil because of her friend's words, all the while praying to the gods to make Maximus give her a signal very soon.

And the gods listened to her prayer. 

*****

It happened two days later, during their daily lesson. Maximus had just ended his explanation to Lucilla of a special move he had invented and, to be sure she had really mastered how it was done, he instructed her to repeat it. Lucilla fixed the position of her pawns on the board and then raised her arm, ready to move one of her _bellatores. However, a sudden doubt struck her so she stopped with her hand in mid-air, as she reconsidered the situation. She did not know how much time she spent that way, but when she finally acted, it happened at the same moment Maximus had decided to come to her rescue and show her the appropriate piece she had to move. The result was he closed his hand over hers, as they both reached for the same __bellator._

Precisely in the moment his warm, calloused fingers posed over hers, Lucilla felt a bout of energy shaking her, as strong as lightning, originating from the point where their skin touched. Shocked, she raised her head to look at Maximus, to see if he too felt the same sensation, and almost jumped as she met his gaze. He was staring at her as he had never done before, with an intensity that was almost scary, making Lucilla feel as if she were naked in front of him, her body shivering with anxiety- and desire. His pupils were dilated and his breath was heavy and hurried, as he seemed to devour her face, her neck, and her breasts with his gaze. The tension between them was almost a living entity, as Lucilla waited mesmerized for his next move, her heart pounding in her chest, as time seemed to stop and the other occupants of the room ceased to exist. Maximus continued to brand her skin, until he suddenly blinked and shook his head, as if he was waking up from a trance-like state. He looked away from her and the action broke the spell, as they both lowered their heads to stare at their still joined hands and quickly retracted their arms. After a long pause, Maximus cleared his throat and asked, "Do you want to play another game, Lucilla?" his voice did not sound steady as usual and Lucilla noticed his hands were shaking, just as her own.

"No," she replied slowly, knowing very well there was no way she could concentrate on the _latrunculi after what had just happened. "Let's conclude our lesson for today."_

"As you wish. And now, if you would excuse me, I have something to do...." And before the young woman was able to say a single word, Maximus rose on his feet and almost rushed out of the room, leaving her behind, alone, confused and excited.

*****

Later that night, lying in her bed, Lucilla closed her eyes for what seemed to be the hundredth time, but once again, as soon as she did it, the image of Maximus' burning gaze returned to enflame her, making her skin grow hot, causing a strange, tingling sensation to her breasts and lower regions. She felt the almost irresistible pull to touch herself there, imagining it was not her fingers, but Maximus' calloused ones but got ahold of herself, and rose from the bed, to open the window shutters, walking outside on the terrace, hoping the cool air would help to calm her nerves.

She had just got used to the scarce light coming from the moon, when she saw a shape move in the porch of the villa, in front of her position. Her heart almost jumped out of her chest as she recognized Maximus' sturdy frame and bearded face. He was leaning against a column and was looking at the sky, and the moonlight made his blue eyes shine so much Lucilla noticed it though she was very far from him. 

'What is he doing there?' She asked herself. 'Is he unable to sleep like me? Is he too thinking about what happened this afternoon?' There was only one way to know, to ask him directly. Without making any noise, Lucilla left the terrace, donned her slippers and exited her room, slipping quickly down the stairs, afraid Maximus might go away. But he was still there when she stepped into the porch, and she slowed down her pace, wanting him to have plenty of time to notice her arrival.

He saw her at once and his eyes widened in disbelief as he took in her presence.

"Lucilla, what-what are you doing here?" he stammered, as his gaze swept over her to make sure she was really standing in front of him wearing only a white, almost translucent night-gown. 

"I saw you from my terrace and I wanted to ask if you are all right." The young woman said, she too realizing Maximus had dressed very quickly, because he only was wearing a white linen tunic, without any belt or sandals.

"Thanks for you concern. I am fine, just having some problems falling asleep. Nothing to be worried about." Maximus forced a smile, "And now it is better for you to return to your room."

"Are you unable to sleep because of what happened this afternoon?" Lucilla asked without any half measures and even in the scarce light she saw Maximus pale as his face tensed.

"No," he replied, with a strangled voice. 

"You are lying," she said with certainty and a note of triumph, before stepping nearer to him. Maximus tried to back away, but the column blocked him. "What are you afraid of?" she murmured, raising her trembling hand to caress his cheek. 

"Lucilla, stop this." Maximus ordered in his best commanding tone, but it had little effect on the girl, who continued to touch his face, even brushing his lips with her fingers. "Stop this," he said again, and this time his voice was unsteady, as she noticed he was shaking, his hands clenched to fists.

"You don't want me to stop," she replied, in a sultry voice she barely recognized as her own. She had never felt as bold or daring as she was feeling in that moment, as if another person had taken hold of her body. "You want me to continue.... You want me. Don't try to deny it..."

"I won't," Maximus finally capitulated, raising his own hand to block hers, bringing it to his lips and kissing it with ardour, before resolutely pushing it away. "But what I want does not matter here, because I cannot have it."

"But I want to give it to you!"

"Lucilla…"

"I love you Maximus, I've loved you for a long time and, and I want to make love with you." Lucilla looked pleadingly into his eyes.

Maximus smiled sadly at her, reaching out his hand to caress her cheek with his index finger. "I too love you Lucilla, I started to love you from the first time I saw you, but it is not enough. What you ask from me is something only your husband can give to you, and I cannot dishonour you in this way, as much as I burn for you."

Lucilla's heart cried at the naked love and honesty in his eyes and made desperate by her longing, she made her last move, "But who says you cannot become my husband?"

"What?" he almost choked out.

"You are a senator's son coming from an impeccable family and my father is friends with yours, not to mention that he considers you a hero and one of his best military leaders. You are on the brink of a brilliant political career...you have everything you need to become my husband." Lucilla knew she was lying and that Maximus had no chance to marry her because she was already engaged, but she was too desperate to have him, to know how it felt to become a woman with him, as if her whole life depended on it. "I have no doubts my father will approve our match."

Lucilla watched as his resolve began to crumble and he asked seriously, "Are you sure of it?" He stared at her, trying to read her thoughts, but she was able to conceal the truth from him.

"Yes, my love, I know my father well. He will agree, trust me." 

"I trust you...." With a groan of need, Maximus let go of all of his restrain, and wrapped her in his arms, slamming her against his chest, pressing her hips against his already aroused flesh, and claiming her lips for a passionate kiss. 

Lucilla almost choked when he coaxed her lips apart and slipped his tongue into her mouth and she stiffened in his arms and tried to back away from him.

"What's wrong?" he asked, not understanding until he stared at her fearful eyes and he realized her previous bold attitude was only a facade. Everything was completely new for Lucilla and he had stormed over her like the waves of the tempestuous sea crashing on the shore. 

"Oh my gods," he whispered, "Forgive me, my love, I did not want to scare you." He took a couple of long, deep breaths to calm himself, then, smiling, he reached out a hand to take hers. "Come with me, my Lucilla, I will go slowly from now on...I promise." 

Lucilla nodded, trusting his words and replying to his smile then led him into the house and up to her room.

*****

Once they were inside the bedchamber, and the door was bolted behind their backs, they looked at each other with nervousness, until Lucilla turned to Maximus and asked with a smile, "Now what?"

Her innocent query broke the tension and he stepped nearer to her, gathering her in a gentle embrace. "We will start from the basics," he murmured into her ear, before kissing her neck, cheeks, eyelids and finally her mouth. With great tenderness, he taught her lips first to part to accept his tongue and then to match and imitate his moves. 

Lucilla learned quickly and, lost in pleasure, she soon grabbed his head to deepen the contact and their kisses turned wildly passionate. Then, in a sudden move that took her breath away, Maximus bent down and swept her in his arms, carrying her to the bed and posing her in its centre. "We will be more comfortable here."

Lucilla nodded and knelt on the mattress, kicking away her slippers as Maximus sat in front of her. Slowly, languidly, his hands rose to caress her through the light fabric of her nightgown.  She could see sweat pearls on his brow and she idly wondered about the extent of his self-control. The caresses continued for a long time, as Maximus' hands and fingers became bolder, brushing the dress away to sneak beneath it. When he cupped her breasts, toying with her hard nipples, Lucilla let out a loud moan, causing Maximus to smile with satisfaction, "That feels good, doesn't it?" 

She was barely able to nod.

"But that gown is getting in the way...let's remove it."

Once again she replied with a nod, raising her arms over her head to assist him. And then she was naked in front of Maximus for the first time, but she felt no shame, no embarrassment, because it felt natural, right. 

"You are beautiful," he murmured in a voice thick with desire, loving her with his gaze. "More beautiful than Venus herself."

She smiled at his compliment and reclined back on the pillows. "Come to me," she whispered, watching with half closed eyes as he undressed in front of her. Just like her, he wore no loincloth, and the beauty of his hard, male body slammed against her senses....

THIS PART HAD BEEN EDITED FOR IT CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEX. If you wish to read it, please e-mail me at this address: droit_et_loyal@telvia.it  I will be happy to send it to you.

When she regained her awareness, she found herself wrapped in Maximus' arms, her head on his chest, his heartbeat and whispered words of love lulling her to sleep. She had barely the time to raise her head, give him a soft kiss and a murmured "I love you" before Morpheus came to visit her and she left with him for the land of dreams, where, she was sure, Maximus would be there to meet her.

*****

The following weeks were the happiest of Lucilla's life, as her affair with Maximus developed and grew in intensity. During the days they behaved as nothing had changed between them, playing _latrunculi, going outside for rides escorted by her Praetorians or going to visit Emerita Augusta.  But during the nights, with the favour of darkness and Delia's complicity, the lovers met in Lucilla's room, to give free rein to their youthful passion. Maximus turned to be everything she had dreamed for: gentle, tender, and ardent. During the day he looked always so serious, but when he was alone with her, he transformed in a carefree young man, always ready to laugh, joke or play with her, even starting a cushions battle during an especially wild night. But he was also very willing to listen to her, to her dreams, her fears, and her concerns about Commodus and his sometimes-immoral behaviour. _

"Don't worry," he once whispered, hugging her tightly, "I will help you with him, when we are married…our future will be shed of preoccupations, I promise you." Lucilla had squeezed his back in reply, but her heart had cried.

Our future...There could not be any future for them, at least not as Maximus intended it, as husband and wife. But she hoped to be able to convince him to remain her lover, when he would arrive in Rome for his political career, in spite of her marriage with Lucius Verus. However, something kept telling her that might be impossible, that Maximus was too honourable to willingly cheat on one of his Caesars, and thus she kept on postponing the day she would have to tell him the whole truth.

Maximus would have wanted to speak with her father and ask for her hand at once, but Lucilla managed to stop him, explaining him Marcus Aurelius would have preferred for them not to rush, to take time to ponder their decision, and not to be too impetuous with such an important matter. Her words convinced Maximus to wait, but the young woman knew it would not be for much longer.

But all the knots sooner or later come to the comb, and Lucius Verus' sudden arrival destroyed Lucilla's happiness in only few hours. 

*****

It was early afternoon, and Lucilla was getting ready for her _latrunculi practice time with Maximus, when the door was slammed open and her lover burst into her room._

Lucilla and her maids jumped on their feet, and almost backed away from the fury emanating from his persona.

"Get out!" he roared to the _ancellae, who turned to look at their mistress with fearful eyes._

"Do as he commands," she said, and they obeyed.

Maximus waited till the door closed behind them, then crossed the room in few strides and growled, "Why did you not tell me you are already promised to Lucius Verus?"

"What?" her breath left her in a rush, "Who told you that?" She asked, wanting to deny his words.

"Don't try to say it is not true, because I heard it from him in person."

"Lucius is here?"

"He has just arrived, wanting to spend some time in leisure with his wife-to-be, before they all leave for Rome. I think these were his very words. I was in your father's office when he arrived - we were talking about Germania - and the Co-Emperor's enthusiasm was so high he did not bother about my presence." Maximus' voice dripped venom.

Lucilla felt tears spring from her eyes as she lowered them, "You are right, Maximus, I lied to you."

"I already know it. But why did you do so?"

"Because you would not have allowed yourself to be with me if I had told you the truth." She said, looking into his eyes.

"Of course I would not have done it! I cannot believe you played with me, making me think there was a future for us-"

"I did not play with you! I love you Maximus! And I wanted you. I wanted to know true love before I have to do my duty to Rome and my father." She said, pleading him to understand her with her gaze.

"And what about my duty to Rome and your father? What would he think of me if he knew I dishonoured his daughter? Would he believe I did it only because you led me to believe I could become your husband?" He shouted back sarcastically.

"Yes, Maximus, I would believe you, because you are the most honourable man I have ever known, and I am well aware you would not have touched my daughter in any other circumstance." Marcus Aurelius' voice calmly cut the air, and both lovers turned around to see Caesar standing on the threshold, Lucilla's scared maids peeking from behind his back.

"Father!"

"Caesar!" 

The youngsters spoke in unison, their voices betraying their shock.

Marcus Aurelius advanced into the room, raising his hand to silence further talks. "I saw your agitation while you were in my office, Maximus, and I saw you getting pale when my adoptive brother spoke of his imminent wedding with Lucilla. My instinct told me something was wrong and I decided to follow you." 

"Caesar-" the tribune began again, only to be silenced once more.

"Shh, Maximus," the emperor said quietly. "Go to my office and wait for me; I will arrive directly." 

"As you command, Caesar."

Maximus threw a last glance at Lucilla, a mixture of rage, affection and fear that was going to be the last time he saw her, then walked away.

Once he was gone, Lucilla stared at the closed door for a long time, before turning to her father, begging, "Please father, don't punish him! He indulged in my wish because he thought he would be allowed to marry me...I made him believe so."

"I know that, daughter, I know. But you are lucky Lucius does not." He sighed deeply, raking his fingers through his silver-streaked chestnut hair. "Now I must go to speak with Maximus. I must decide what to do. I will return later." He left with a final nod, leaving behind a shocked, worried girl who could not believe her happiness had so quickly and unexpectedly come to an end. A girl who was now beginning to realize how dangerous lies could be, and how it was not possible to control the events or make them go as she wished.

*****

Two hours later Caesar returned to visit his daughter, noticing at once her swollen and reddened eyes.

"I told Lucius you are not feeling well," he began softly, "this should guarantee you a few days of quiet, to regain your composure."

"Thank you, Father." Lucilla smiled weakly.

There was a moment of silence, before Marcus Aurelius, reading his daughter's anxious gaze, broke it.

"Maximus is gone, Lucilla."

"Gone? And where?" she whispered, her eyes widening.

"I sent him home for a brief leave, before he departs for Germania."

"I understand." she commented, her mind already thinking how to contact him at his farm, how to send him a letter and try to explain her actions to him. She had wanted to do it in person, but this would have to do...

"Don't even think about it, Lucilla." Marcus Aurelius' stern voice intruded her mind. "You won't send any letter to Maximus, nor you will try to contact him in any way. There won't be any more meetings between you. You have played with him enough, it is time to break up this affair, and a clean cut is the best thing for everyone involved."

"But Father...I need to explain to him...I need…"

"No, Lucilla. You should have thought about what could happen before you lied to Maximus. You were wrong and now you will pay for it. You will return to Italia to help your mother with your soon to- be-born sibling and to prepare for your wedding with Lucius. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Father." Lucilla lowered her head. 

"Good." Marcus Aurelius began to walk away but suddenly stopped and added, "I was forgetting something. To avoid possible temptations, I will arrange for Maximus to continue his course of honour away from Rome, but here in Hispania, covering the equivalent offices in Emerita Augusta."

"What? Why are you punishing him? I told you it was my fault!" Lucilla's green eyes blazed.

"If I know him well, I doubt Maximus will consider it a punishment. I think he will prefer to stay here, near his family, instead of travelling all the way to Rome."

"But he will never become the great general you think he deserves to be, if he does not serve in Rome and makes his name well known to the politicians!"

"That won't be necessary, I will take care of it. You see, Lucilla, I want to protect both of you from temptations and possible scandals that would really ruin your lives, but I also want to protect Maximus from our corrupted political class. I have the feeling that one day I might need a honest and honourable man on whom I can rely without hesitation." Lucilla nodded, not really convinced by his words, but knowing she had no choice. Her father was a good-natured man, but he was inflexible when he had taken a decision.

Silence fell again and Marcus Aurelius left the room, leaving his daughter alone with her broken heart and shattered dreams.

TODAY

Lucilla blinked and stared at the sea in front of her, trying to stop the flood of memories before they reached their unavoidable conclusion, but it was too late and thus she returned once again to the past, to almost nine months after she had last seen Maximus in Hispania. To the day she had given birth to a baby girl, officially come to the world only seven months after her marriage with Lucius Verus. But Lucilla, Delia and probably Marcus Aurelius too, had known the truth, that Annia Lucilla the Younger was indeed Maximus' daughter, the living proof the sponges the maid had instructed Lucilla to use had not worked as well as they were supposed to.

For five, wonderful months, little Annia had been the joy of Lucilla's life, until a sudden fever had taken her away, almost at the same time when news had reached the empress that Maximus had been married to a girl from Emerita Augusta. The knowledge theirs was a union dictated by true affection and not by politics, had hammered home the last nail in the coffin of Lucilla's love for the handsome Spaniard and she had finally realized she had lost him- forever.

Caprae, early January 182.

"When can we go home, mother?" Lucius asked, raising his head from the scroll he was reading. "It is so boring here in the winter, and I miss my friends." He looked wishfully out of the window, to the grey sky and pouring rain, imagining he was seeing Rome's monuments and temples.

"Soon, Lucius, we will return home soon." His mother replied, trying to soothe him.

"You told me so last month, but we are still here." The boy complained, pulling a face.

"It does not depend on me, but on the new emperor. He sent us here and only he can allow us to return to Rome." She tried to make him understand.

"Then I guess he does not want us there..." Lucius looked at his mother interrogatively.

"I am afraid it is so." Lucilla capitulated, knowing she could not avoid the truth forever. 

"Is it because of what Uncle did?" her son asked with the typical innocence of children. "Is Caesar afraid we will do the same?"

"Yes, I think it might be so," she replied to keep him quiet, even if she knew it were not their ties with Commodus but those with the still beloved Marcus Aurelius that really scared Pertinax.

The boy nodded, then his eyes assumed a far away look. "I used to like Uncle, he was always gentle with me."

"I know, Lucius, but your uncle was also very ill...his madness was destroying all the good in him and he had to be eliminated. Do you understand?" Lucilla caressed her son's silky hair, and putting an arm on his shoulders, pressed him against her side.

"I understand, Mother. I've seen how his presence made you tense and worried. I am just sad it had to finish so badly, both for Uncle and Maximus. Do you know that tomorrow it will be six months since the day of their duel?"

"Really?" Lucilla was surprised she had lost her sense of time.

"Yes." Lucius was silent for a while, then he suddenly asked, "Who do you think took away Maximus' body?"

"How do you know about it?" his mother whispered, her throat constricted.

"I overhead one of the guards telling it to Senator Gracchus the morning after the duel."  

"I see." Lucilla looked briefly out of the window, noticing that the rain was falling slower than before and went on, "I don't know who took Maximus' body. We searched for him, but we had no luck. I suppose his fellow gladiator friends took him away. Perhaps they wanted to bury him in some secret place or with a special ritual."

Lucius nodded, satisfied with the explanation and then his face lit up when he saw the rain had stopped falling. 

"Look mother! The weather has improved! May I go out for a while?"

"Of course, but put your cape on and be careful not to walk too near the edge of the cliffs, the terrain is slippery."

"I know, Mother, I know!" Lucius rolled his eyes upon hearing her usual recommendation and after a quick kiss on her cheek, he stormed out of the room.

Lucilla watched him go, before turning to look at the other occupant of the room.

"Please go with him, Delia. He has so much energy stored away I am afraid he might exaggerate in his play."

"I shall do so. But- Are you all right, _domina?" asked her long time servant and companion._

"Yes I am, my friend. It's just that every time I think I have come to terms with Maximus' death, something happens to make me realize how wrong I am." Lucilla's green eyes suddenly filled with tears. "Why did they have to take him away? Why did they not leave me even the chance to cry at his tomb? Why do the gods keep on punishing me?"

"They are not punishing you, Lucilla, but the ways of the gods are often mysterious and we can only follow them. However, I am sure they will soon return to smile at you, my lady."

Lucilla forced a smile. "I hope so my friend, I hope so."

Delia squeezed her shoulder in silent support and went away, leaving her mistress alone with her thoughts.

*****

It was a dark late January afternoon and once again rain was pouring on the island, while the stormy sea threatened to impede any kind of contact with the continent for several days.

Lucilla was in her room, carefully writing a letter directed at Senator Gracchus, her only trusted friend and ally in Rome. The old politician kept her informed about the situation in the Urbe and cared for the administration of her personal estates and money. She had given him the task to purchase a big piece of land in some remote area of the empire, with the hope Lucius and she might be allowed to settle there, and she now wanted to know if her friend had been able to do as she had asked. Since their letters were probably read by the Praetorians on the island or by Pertinax' men, Lucilla and Gracchus had resorted to use a code they had invented to communicate during Commodus' reign and a lot of time was required to compose a letter in that way.

Suddenly the door was thrown open and Delia appeared on the threshold, one hand pressed to her mouth. Her sudden appearance - despite their long friendship she had never abused her familiarity - her pale face and hurried breath were more than enough to worry Lucilla to the bones and she rose to her feet at once, almost knocking over her chair.

"What's going on, Delia? Did something happen to Lucius?"

Delia shook her head slowly, but the tears streaming down her cheeks did nothing to reassure Lucilla, who crossed the room till she was face to face with the other woman and took her hands in her own, they were chilly and they were trembling. Marcus Aurelius' daughter felt a shiver of premonition run along her spine, before she calmly said, "What happened?"

The maid, her speech broken by tears, began to speak, "I just overhead a conversation between the guards. They said Pertinax had been killed because he was not able to pay the promised money to the Praetorians; Didius Julianus is the new emperor and he- he..." Delia's voice died.

"He what, Delia? What my friend?"

"He...Oh, my lady! He had decided to have you and Lucius executed. He thinks you are too dangerous."

Lucilla listened to her death sentence with an almost unreal calm, as if she had always known it was going to end that way, and now that it had happened, she felt almost relief. But of course it was not so, because she was not alone. Her son, her sweet innocent son had been sentenced to die with her. He, a poor nine year-old boy who had never done anything bad in his whole life. Almost without being aware of it, Lucilla slid to the floor, her body wracked by sobs. With a cry Delia knelt and wrapped her friend in her arms, as they both abandoned themselves to pain. 

Lucilla did not know how much time she had spent on the pavement, but after a while her sobs subsided and she regained her self-control. Brushing away her tears, she smiled sadly at Delia and whispered, "So, it seems the gods have decided what they want to do with me..."

The _ancella shook her head and said, "I am so sorry, Lucilla. I prayed to the gods to spare you, but it was not enough."_

"Shh, Delia, it is not your fault. Now we need to get hold of ourselves. I don't want for Lucius to see me this way. I - I don't want to ruin..." 'his last days', she was not able to complete aloud.

Delia swallowed hard and whispered, "In my...in my room there is a vial- it is poison.  It is quick and it is painless. If you…"

"No Delia," Lucilla shook her head, "I thank you, but I won't escape my destiny. I want to look in my executioner's face when he strangles me. As for Lucius...I hope to be able to convince Julianus my son does not pose a threat to him...And I already know I wouldn't be able to harm him in any way...I would not be able to look into his eyes and see them close forever. It happened already once and I cannot bear to assist to it again."

"Then I will do it. I am sure they will let me come with you...I will put Lucius to sleep for eternity if your request of grace is denied by Caesar...What do you think?"

Lucilla was barely able to nod. It seemed so unreal to be there, planning her son's death as if it was a normal matter, but it was tragically true. She took several deep breaths, then asked, "Do you know when it will happen?"

"The Praetorians said they are expecting the Prefect's arrival from Rome. He will escort you back to the Capital, and he should be here when the sea calms down."

The former empress nodded, "Good, then we will do our best to be ready to receive Prefect Quintus with all the honours befitting a master traitor," she said sarcastically, rising to her feet and helping Delia to do the same. "Thank you my friend. For everything."  She whispered, before rearranging her hair in some kind of order and marching out of the room to prepare for her appointment with destiny.


	2. II

*****

Night had fallen on the island, but there was no peace for Lucilla, even if it was not because of the storm raging outside. On the contrary, the flash of the lightning and the booming thunders and crashing waves were soothing her nerves, because they kept the Praetorians away, and Lucilla did not want to fall asleep, for fear that the weather would improve if she stopped praying for it to remain as bad as it was.

Finally, it was just before midnight, fatigue and worries won over her and she fell in an agitated sleep inhabited by nightmares. She dreamed her own death and she even saw herself walk in the Elysian Fields. Two figures came to greet her there: one was her father, the other a small baby girl with black hair and big blue-green eyes, her little Annia. She was smiling and wanted to play with her... Lucilla reached out her arms to take the child, but then she heard a voice- a familiar, beloved voice.  

Maximus' voice.

He was calling for her, telling her to wake up. Lucilla did not want to wake up, for she felt safe in Elysium and she did not want to leave, but Maximus' voice was insistent, urgent, keeping on repeating they had little time, and in the end she obeyed it, opening her eyes.

*****

It was dark in the room, but Lucilla immediately sensed there was someone near her. A bolt of lightning crashed near the window and the sudden light revealed a hooded figure hovering over her. She opened her mouth to scream, but a broad, calloused hand blocked her, while the stranger bent over her and whispered, "Don't be afraid, Lucilla. It's me, Maximus."  

Lucilla could not believe what she was hearing. It was only the deception of a distressed mind. It had to be-Maximus was dead. But the hand covering her mouth was so real and warm. Then the man spoke again, in his low, rumbling voice. "Lucilla, I am going to remove my hand: please, don't scream, but light the lamp." She nodded with her head to make clear she had understood and the hand moved away.

Trembling, she sat up on her mattress and lightened her bedside table lamp and with the added light, all her doubts about dreaming disappeared; Maximus was really in the room with her, covered from head to foot with a dark military _sagum and with his face smeared with black ashes. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen- but how was it possible?   
She had left him dead in the Colosseum's holding cells, before being dragged away by Praetorians concerned for her safety..._

"How?" The word formed on her lips without any conscious thought, but he shook his head. "It is a long story and we have no time for it now. We must leave the island before dawn."

Lucilla's heart jumped in her chest in gratitude; once again he had come to help her. She felt tears of relief pricking at her eyes, but she resolutely pushed them back, it was not the moment to be an emotional woman. "What you want me to do?"

"Write a message that says you decided to kill yourself and Lucius because you don't want to leave to Julianus the satisfaction of having you executed in public."

"You know about it?" she asked, although she was not really surprised, as she rose and walked to her desk.

"Yes, I know about it. That's why it is so important we leave as soon as possible. I don't know how much lead we have on the Praetorians." Maximus explained, as he opened the door of her chamber to make sure the hallway was free.  She did not reply, but quickly completed her note. Maximus returned to her, read the writing and then walked near the bed to put it on the nightstand. "Now, let's go," he said, lighting a portable lamp he had obviously carried with him, "Valerius should have already prepared Lucius."

'Valerius?' She wondered, reaching for her cape, which was on the back of a chair.

"No," Maximus blocked her hand. "You cannot take any other dress other than the one you are wearing now. We need to make them believe you rose in the middle of the night to throw yourself into the sea. Here, this should keep you warm enough for a while." Maximus took off his _sagum and wrapped it around her shoulders. It still retained his body heat and she could not help but sniff the fabric, happy to smell Maximus' clean and manly scent. When he was satisfied she was warm, he took her night robe and slippers in one hand, the lamp in the other and moved to the door._

Once in the corridor, they quickly reached Lucius' room, which was close to his mother's, and entered. The boy was sitting on the bed, a _sagum wrapped around his back, in the company of two other men dressed in black like Maximus. Lucius seemed afraid, but his face lit up when he saw his mother and then his eyes almost popped out of his head as he recognized her companion. His mouth opened to speak but Lucilla was quicker. "Be quiet, we will talk later. Now remain silent and do everything Maximus says without discussion. Do you understand?" _

The boy nodded hurriedly, surprised by his mother's stern tone; it was the first time she had spoken to him that way.

In the meantime, Maximus had finished exchanging a few words with his men. "We are ready to go."

Lucilla nodded and reached out a hand to beckon  Lucius near her. 

Silently they left the room, and walked along the hallways till they found the servants' entrance. They had almost exited when a voice called, "My lady, where are you going?"

It was Delia; she was standing on the threshold of the kitchen, a robe on her shoulders. One of Maximus' men made a move towards her, but Lucilla stopped him with an imperious gesture. "Give us a moment." She walked to her friend and whispered, "Delia, these men have come to free Lucius and me. We are going to fake our suicide...I left a letter in my bedroom and I need you to tell the Praetorians how distressed I was yesterday, to make them believe I really killed myself and my son jumping into the sea."

The maid nodded hesitantly, "Are you really sure, Lucilla?" Then she looked behind her mistress' back, her eyes widening as she recognized Maximus, "Yes, I can see you are." A smile, then, "It seems the gods listened to my prayers, after all."

"Yes they did. I am sorry I cannot take you with me, but it is not possible."

"I know."

"But here, take this," Lucilla removed her empress ring from her finger, "Go to Rome when they free you - I don't doubt they will do so - and visit Senator Gracchus. Give the ring to him, he will provide for you."

"Lucilla, we must go." Maximus' voice was an urgent whisper.

"Just a minute." The two women exchanged a last embrace, then Delia said, "Go now, and may the gods always smile on you and Lucius." And speaking so, she resolutely turned around and walked away. Lucilla watched till she disappeared, then rushed to join Maximus and the others.

Once outside, Maximus did a quick detour to the terrace overlooking the sea and leaning against the balustrade threw Lucilla and Lucius' robes and slippers into the stormy waters, and dirtied the marble protection, as if someone had stepped over it with muddy feet. Satisfied with his work, he returned to the rest of the group, "This should be enough; with the sea in these conditions, there would be no chance to find a body."

Lucilla nodded and soon the party was walking again, leaving the villa garden to reach the beach. The woman and child were barefoot, but neither of them seemed to notice the hardness of the terrain. A boat was waiting for them on the shore, ready to depart, surrounded by eight men who lost no time pushing the little vessel into the water and sitting at its oars. Lucilla looked at the high, angry waves and then at the boat, which seemed too small to affront them.

"I know it is frightening, but is the only way." Maximus whispered in her ear, smiling at her reassuringly, and she drew strength from his eyes. She smiled back at him, before decisively stepping onto the boat, sitting on its central seat, with Lucius in her arms.

"Everything will be fine," she soothed him, feeling his small body tremble.

As soon as everyone was on board, the men at the oars began to row and the boat left the relative safety of the shore for the open sea. 

*****

The journey was hard and difficult, with the wind and the waves stretching the oarsmen's endurance, while the still falling rain made vision difficult. More than once the boat threatened to overturn, but luckily it did not happen and after what seemed an eternity, the small vessel landed on a secluded beach near Neapolis port.

The group lost no time abandoning the boat to board the wagon or mount the horses waiting for them, under the surveillance of two more of Maximus' men, and soon they were off on the _Via Domitia road, heading north, intent to put as much distance as possible between them and Caprae before the sunrise and the discovery of the "suicide". _

TOMORROW

"Umm...This is really good!" 

Lucius' enthusiastic comment, referred to a simple piece of roasted pig, caused a round of laughter among the party sitting around the fire. The boy raised his head from his plate, a confused expression on his face, as if he was wondering what the grown-ups had to laugh about. "Well, it is true!" he exclaimed.

"Freedom makes everything taste better," Maximus commented softly, almost to himself, but Lucilla heard him nevertheless and she turned to look at him, once more marvelling he was really sitting near her, alive and more handsome than ever, even if his face and body still bore the marks of his suffering. He was thin and pale and there were shadows under his eyes, making Lucilla wonder about what happened to him during the past six months. That question had tormented her in the last two-and-a-half days, but until that moment there had not been time to really talk, pressed as they were to move as fast as possible, travelling always during the night, with just few pauses to let the horses rest and eat. That was actually the first evening they had set a real camp and Lucilla thought it was time to get some answers, since she could not longer contain her curiosity. She knew by now the men that had helped her were members of the Felix Legion, and she wanted to know what role they had played in Maximus' disappearance from Rome and in his recovery. Thus she waited till everyone had finished their dinner, then asked Maximus, "So, don't you think it is time to tell us what happened to you?"

Silence fell on the camp, as all the heads turned to look at their leader. 

Maximus was lost in thought for several seconds, then he nodded. "You are right, it is time you get some answers. But I think it is better if Valerius tells you the first part of the story, because I have not many memories about it." He smiled weakly and patted the back of the burly man at his side.

"As you command, General." Valerius turned to look at Lucilla and Lucius, beginning to speak at once. "Augusta, we…"

"Stop, Valerius." Lucilla raised her arm. "There is no Augusta here. She is dead, lying at the bottom of the sea. Here there is only Lucilla, daughter of Marcus. Please don't ever call me that again."

Valerius bowed his head, "As you wish, _domina."_

"Thank you. Now, please, go on with your story."

"It was the day of the duel between the General and Caesar. We - myself, Tullius and Glaucus," and he pointed at two other men sitting around the fire, who gestured with their heads, "were in Rome because we had heard wondrous rumours claiming the General was alive and a gladiator. We wanted to check if they were really true, before they spread too much among the troops. Cicero, the General's servant had gone to Rome a few days before for the same reason, but he never returned and we became restless. So we went to the Urbe and reached the Colosseum. We did not want to attend the games, but just throw a look around, but the guards at the gates kept on telling something special was going to happen and so we went inside." Valerius stopped, sipped some wine and resumed his story. "You know what happened, _domina. The General won the match, but he collapsed into the sand and was taken away. We thought he was dead." The soldier's voice trembled and Lucilla was touched by such manifestation of affection by that hardened man for his commander. Maximus too was impressed, because he squeezed the centurion's arm in support. Valerius took a deep breath and went on, "We exited the arena with the rest of the crowd, but remained near it even after the guards had locked the gates. We did not want to return to Ostia to tell the men what had happened…not yet. Then, I don't remember who among us proposed it, we decided to sneak inside the building to find the General's body and pay him our homage."_

"You wanted to say good-bye to him privately." She surmised.

"Exactly. Imagine our surprise when we finally found the body and discovered the General was alive, even if barely so. He was unconscious and fevered, but alive. We immediately noticed he had been wounded to his back and that the wound…"

Lucilla interrupted him by turning to Maximus and ask in a murmur, "Who?"

"Commodus," he replied equally low, "He stabbed me with a stiletto blade minutes before the combat. He wanted to be sure he won." Maximus smiled bitterly and Lucilla grew pale. She had always suspected something like that had happened, but it was nevertheless terrible to hear it from Maximus' very voice. She briefly thought about how close she had been to losing him for good and she thanked once again the gods he was alive.

Silence fell for a few seconds, then Valerius spoke again, "After some frantic consultations, we decided to take the General to a surgeon but - I hope you will forgive us, _domina - we did not trust the Senate or the imperial family, not after what had happened. So we hired a wagon and took the General to Ostia, after Tullius, who has a bit of medical training, stabilized his wound."_

"You took him to the army camp?"

"No, because it is difficult to keep a secret there, and we wanted the General's presence to remain unknown, at least as long as he was so sick. We took him to the house of a just retired centurion of the Felix Legion, whose wife is a German healer.  She saved the General's life, but he was on the verge of dying many times in the next few weeks, because of various infections."

"Oh," Lucilla was appalled.

"But our General is strong and he survived."

"Yes, think about the irony of it," commented Maximus dryly, "to be saved by a German woman after battling Germans for years!" 

There was a round of laughter, before Valerius concluded his part of the story.  "When the General felt better, we took him on the Alban Hills to continue his recovery in peace and it was just after we arrived there that we heard about Pertinax seizing the Purple with the Praetorians' help, and sending you into exile. For a long time we said nothing to the General, because he was still too weak, but he noticed our tension.  As you perhaps know, the Felix Legion had been ordered to put down any possible revolt against Pertinax in Italia and we were worried for our comrades still in the army. Anyway, the General noticed something was wrong and began to ask questions and after he threatened us to leave for Rome alone, we decided we could not keep silent any more and told him the truth."

Lucilla looked at Maximus, wanting to read in his eyes what he thought when he discovered about her fate, and the former gladiator understood it was time he continued the story. And he did so, but hid his emotions so well Lucilla was not able to read him, and that confused her, because she did not know what to think about his behaviour.

"Valerius and I returned to Rome, where we inquired about Senator Gracchus, discovering he was still alive, even if almost powerless. We went to visit him and he told us in detail what happened to you and Lucius. He also confided to us he feared for your lives and wondered about the chance to sneak you away from Caprae. I told him we would do it. We spent days studying the maps of the island and organizing our party. Many of the legionaries here," Maximus gestured with his hand, "used their leave to help Valerius and me, while others hurried their retirement to be with us."

Lucilla turned to look at  the men and bowed her head to them. "Thank you for everything. I have no words to tell you what this means to me." Some of the soldiers bowed to her in return, others waved her words away with their hands, perhaps because they thought no thanks was necessary, perhaps because they had not risked their lives for her, but for their General.

"Anyway," the Spaniard continued, "we were ready when Julianus took the power and gave the order to eliminate you. So we went to Southern Italia and did what we had to do." He concluded, as if he had done the most simple and common thing in the world. "And since we are in theme, here there is something Gracchus gave me for you. It is the act of property of an estate near Eburacum*, in Britannia." He reached inside the pouch tied to his belt and pulled out a folded piece of papyrus. "He said you had instructed him to buy a property in some far away province and that's where I plan to take you." 

Lucilla took the document and studied it in the firelight, with Lucius craning his neck from behind her shoulder to read with her.

"Are we really going to Britannia, mother?" asked the boy, fascinated by the prospect of a great adventure.

"Yes, we are really going there."

"And what it will be like? What we will do there? Will we see the men with the painted faces described by Julius Caesar? And do you think I will be able to have my own pony, to tour our estate?" The boy was full of excitement and Lucilla smiled. "We shall see when we are there, Lucius. For the moment, it is time to go to bed; if you are lucky, you might even dream about ponies and blue-painted men!"

"I think it is time we all go to bed," said Maximus, rising to his feet, soon imitated by all the other men. The group disbanded quickly; some soldiers went to their tents, while others prepared for a night of guard. Maximus instead went to check the horses and Lucilla watched him walk away with worried eyes. 

"Don't let his cold attitude fool you, _domina," Valerius whispered into her ear and she almost jumped because she had not heard him approach. "He was out of his mind with worry when he knew about the danger you were in. I never saw him so frantic. I even heard him mutter more than once he 'would not let it happen again'."_

"What?"

"I believe he meant he would not lose again someone he cared for as he had lost his family." The centurion sighed, before pressing on, "Perhaps I am overstepping my limits by telling you so, but the General cried out your name while he was delirious, along with those of his wife and child. He cares a lot for you...he is just afraid to let himself acknowledge the fact."

"Probably because he has suffered so much and he is still in shock."

"Probably. My lady Lucilla, I hope you don't think I enjoy meddling in others' private affairs. I spoke with you because I care for my General and I want to see him happy. He has suffered enough and he deserves peace and happiness." He stared seriously into her eyes.

"I know Valerius, I know." Lucilla squeezed the big man's hand. "Thank you for telling me so and thank you for saving his life. I promise you I will do my best to make sure he won't be hurt again."

"That's what I hoped to hear, _domina." Valerius smiled and after a last bow, he bid her good night and walked away, while Lucilla remained outside, staring at the star filled sky lost in her thoughts._

* York.

*****

During the next few days the little caravan kept a very fast pace, travelling along small roads instead of using the larger, but more crowded _viae consulorum. Near Ostia, the group lost some of its members, as eight soldiers left to return to the Felix Legion camp, since their leave had expired, with the promise to never reveal to anybody that Maximus, Lucilla and Lucius were still alive. The rest of the party continued north, crossing the entire Central and Northern Italia. Passing the Alps in full winter was no small feat, but they managed to do it without much trouble, also helped by the good weather and lack of snow. Once in Noricum, they returned  to the larger roads, because the risks of being caught by the Praetorians were less, and it was better not to wander too far in the forests infested by thieves. _

As the distance between them and Rome increased, Maximus relaxed and talked more often, much more like the man Lucilla had met and fallen in love with years before. Of course, he was still sad and occasionally a victim of a seizure of melancholy, during which he strayed away to be alone, but in general it seemed like a big weight had been taken off his shoulders. He began to spend a lot of time talking with Lucius, showing him patiently on a map the roads they were going to take and explaining why they were going to take them, and one day he caused the boy's ecstatic reaction when he proposed to him a ride on his stallion, the almost legendary Scarto - returned to him by Valerius and the other soldiers - while he, Maximus, rested for a bit on the wagon.

Of course, the former general needed no rest, he was only indulging the child, but it made Lucius feel important to be trusted with his hero's precious horse.

Lucilla was happy to see the affection building slowly between her son and Maximus, but sometimes she felt a bit jealous of Lucius, for all the attention he got from the Spaniard, who was indeed always gentle and polite with her, but also distant. It was like he did not totally trust her...or perhaps himself, as Valerius had suggested. 

She couldn't really blame him, but she was desperate to know how he felt about her; if he still cared for her as a woman or if her betrayal had killed that little flame of affection he had shown her in the _Ludus Magnus, and he was now escorting her because he thought it was part of his duty to her father. She wanted to know if she could still hope they might have a future together, or if she had to forget it, as much as it pained her to even think of it. She loved him, she still dreamed about sharing  her life with him, and she prayed fervently one day her dream might become reality._

Raetia, 182AD, late winter.

Maximus breathed in the clear, pine-scented air and smiled. It was only mid-March, but everywhere he looked he saw signs of Nature's imminent awakening after a moderate winter and the tender grass trying to emerge from beneath the snow coat filled him with wonder. How he had missed the peace of mind to take the time to stop and look at simple things like that! 

The little group, consisting of Maximus, Lucilla, Lucius, and five former centurions of the Felix Legion, was now proceeding along the province of Raetia. About fifteen days separated them from the harbour of Gesoriacum and the crossing of the Oceanus Britannicus, to reach the most northern province of the empire. Maximus had been there once, years before, because, as commander of the Army of the North, he had been in control of the legions stationed in Britannia too and thus he had gone there for an inspection. He had liked what he had seen in Londinium and other cities and he thought the great island could be a good place to start a new life; the landscape was different enough not to evoke memories of Trujillo and Hispania, but not too different and hostile like Africa. Senator Gracchus - may the gods bless him - had given the Spaniard enough money to buy a house and some land anywhere he wished. In the beginning Maximus had not wanted to accept the coins, but the old politician had been most insistent, claiming they were only a poor compensation of what he had lost, and that it was a pleasure for him to be able to help the former general in some way. The Senator was childless and preferred to leave his money to someone he considered a friend rather than to see it ending up in Julianus' greedy pockets. Maximus had smiled at Gracchus' words and accepted the two bags full of _aurei with gratitude, knowing they had been given out of friendship and not charity._

A hearty laugh snapped him out of his reverie and he turned his head to see Valerius and Glaucus pat each other's backs as their horses walked side by side. Maximus wondered briefly about the cause of their hilarity, but decided not to inquire about it, enjoying in silence his friends' happiness. He had always known his men were loyal to him, they had demonstrated it many times on the battlefield, but still he had been amazed by how they had saved him, rescuing him from the Colosseum. He had been touched by the gentleness with which they had cared for him, nursing him through his long illness, by the fierceness with which they had protected him when he was recovering, and by their unselfishness when they had helped him to free Lucilla and Lucius. They now deserved a peaceful life, and he hoped they would be able to have it. Three of them were going to stop in Germania, where the empire had awarded them some land as a reward after twenty-five years of service, and where their families awaited them, while Valerius and Glaucus planned to escort him, Lucilla and Lucius till Eburacum, and then decide what to do. They did not have any ties, the army having been their only family.

Family...Maximus' musing moved to his wife and son. He had dreamed about them many times during his fever, initially wishing to die and join them, but then gradually accepting it was not yet time to do so, because the new life his men - by saving him - had given to him was a precious gift and worth being lived. Unbidden, his gaze stopped on Lucilla; he had dreamt about her too, seeing her dying in her brother's cruel hands and the images had terrified him, remaining impressed into his mind even after he woke up. Then he had learned about her fate and that had made him frantic with worry. But why? Was it simple duty what he felt in her regards? Because she was the daughter of the man he had loved as a father, while her child was only an innocent that didn't deserve to pay for others' mistakes? Or did he care for them in another way? He remembered the kiss they had shared in the _Ludus Magnus and his pulse quickened. No, it was not only duty or compassion, he was sure of it...but was he ready for something more?_

Maximus looked at the wagon, where Lucilla was travelling sitting near Tullius, while Lucius was riding on the front with Cassius, and stared at her.

She was beautiful, even more so now that there were no elaborated dresses or hairstyles or jewellery to distract the eyes. Her slightly curly hair shone like warm honey under the winter sun, her cheeks were pink and... Maximus interrupted his line of thought and frowned; the woman's cheeks were very flushed at that moment and she kept on touching her brow with a hand. The Spaniard spurred his horse and trotted near the wagon, falling in step with it until he was side by side with Lucilla. She greeted him with a smile.

"Are you feeling all right?" he asked, noticing the skin on her cheekbones was drawn and her eyes too bright.

"Yes, just a headache and some sneezes...I must have caught some cold last night." 

Maximus was not convinced. He reached out his arm and touched her brow with his open hand, before retracting it and biting his lower lip. "You are burning, Lucilla." he said, his voice tense. "Go inside the wagon and lay in bed. We will stop as soon as we find a suitable place to raise the camp."

Lucilla nodded and did as bidden, slipping inside the wagon without discussion, and thus increasing Maximus' concern even more. For how long had she not been feeling well? He cursed under his breath; they were crossing an almost deserted area, the last village they had seen was at least twenty miles behind them and the chance to find a doctor very slim. He could only pray to the gods it was nothing serious.

*****

During the night Lucilla's health worsened, a bad cough adding to the high fever. Maximus was very worried, but he tried hard not to show it in front of Lucius, not wanting to scare the boy. However it was not possible to deny the seriousness of Lucilla's condition when the following morning the party did not resume its journey and Tullius was sent back to the last village they had passed along the way, to try to fetch a doctor or at least some healing herbs. Lucius reacted badly to the news and ran away into the forest surrounding their camp.

Maximus found him sometime later, hidden behind a tree, his arms hugging his knees, his face streaked with tears. The Spaniard knelt down near him and caressed his hair, "What is it, Lucius?"

"I am afraid my mama will die and leave me alone." The boy sniffled.

"Your mother won't die; she is strong and she will soon feel better. She has a great strength of will and many things to want to live for: you, your new house in Britannia, and the new life there…"

"And you." Lucius had stopped crying to look at him in earnest.

"Me?" asked Maximus. 

"Yes, Mother likes you a lot. She was so sad when we believed you dead, and now she is so happy. I see the way she smiles when she looks at you when you are not noticing her."

Maximus smiled at the boy's innocent comments. "I too like her a lot. As I like you." He ruffled Lucius' hair. 

"And are you going to remain with us when we are in Britannia?"

"Would you like that?"

"Yes, I would like it very much." 

"Well, Lucius, I still don't know what I am going to do, but I can promise I will stay with you as long as you and your mother will need me."

The boy considered his words and nodded. "Thank you." He suddenly embraced Maximus, burying his wet face in the hollow of his neck, and the Spaniard could not help but reply the gesture, feeling his heart fill with tenderness and affection.

Lucius sniffled aloud and he gave him a piece of cloth to dry his eyes and blow his nose. "Now it is time for us to return to the camp. Why don't you help me to brush Scarto as we wait for Tullius to be back?

"Yes, Sir!" the child exclaimed, jumping to his feet, his eyes bright with excitement.

"Good!" Maximus smiled, put an arm around Lucius' shoulders, and gently led him back to the camp, his feeling of protectiveness for that boy so much alike his little Marcus increasing even more.

*****

Later that day Lucilla's fever reached its peak and Maximus spent the night at her side - while Lucius slept in his own tent with Valerius - bathing her with cold water obtained by melted snow, and restraining her limbs when her delirious thrashing became too violent.

It pained him to see her that way; he had seen delirious soldiers more than once, but her suffering was harder to watch and her hoarse cries almost too much to bear.

Sometime during the night, Lucilla began to call for her father and Maximus tried to soothe her by replying to her, squeezing her hand and murmuring, "I am here, Lucilla."

Her eyes were open but unfocused and she did not recognize him. "Father?" she whispered, "Are you really here?"

"Yes, I am here." Maximus smoothed her sweaty hair away from her brow.

"And Annia? Where is Annia?" she asked.

"Annia?" repeated the Spaniard, not recognizing the name.

"Yes, Annia...Where is my little one? I cannot see her." She was growing agitated.

"I…she is asleep," Maximus murmured, hoping the answer would calm her. It seemed to work because Lucilla relaxed and a smile appeared on her parched lips. "She is a beauty, eh? So much like her father- so much like Ma…" Her voice died and she suddenly fell silent, her eyes closing and her head rolling to the side. For just a second Maximus feared the worst, so abrupt had been the change, but he relaxed, seeing her chest rise and fall.

He continued to bathe her all night and by the beginning of the new day the herbs procured by Tullius seemed to have effect and the fever dropped. Maximus waited to be sure the change was permanent, then he left it to Valerius to guard Lucilla and retired to his tent for some sleep.

His last thought, before he fell asleep, was for the mysterious Annia. Who was she? She was obviously important for Lucilla, a daughter, perhaps? But if it was so, why had Marcus Aurelius never mentioned her in all their many discussions about their families? 

*****

Lucilla's condition improved quickly, but after the great fright of the past days, Maximus insisted she spend at least three more days in bed after the fever had disappeared. She obeyed, but by the second day she was hopelessly bored and restless. To keep her quiet at least for one more day, Maximus found a squared piece of wood, incised some lines on it and with the help of little stones he created a _latrunculi board, which he presented to her with a "Care for a game?" Lucilla smiled at his masterpiece, touched by his attentiveness._

They began to play at once, with her laying in bed, him sitting on the wagon floor and the board on the nightstand, both of them lost in memories about the last time they had played together. After a while Maximus broke the silence. "May I ask you something?"

"Of course," she replied, raising her eyes from the makeshift board to look at him.

"Who is Annia?"

Colour left Lucilla's face so quickly Maximus was worried she was about to faint. "How…how do you know this name?"

"You cried it out many times, while you were delirious."

"I understand." Lucilla lowered her head to stare at her shaking hands, then looked back at him. "Annia was my daughter, Maximus."

"Oh." The Spaniard was not surprised to see his thesis being confirmed. "Your father never spoke about her." Which was strange, considering how proud he was of Lucius.

"She died very young, only five months old." Lucilla looked out of the wagon window, and swallowed hard.

"I am sorry.... It must have been hard to explain to Lucius he had lost his little sister. I remember how difficult it was when I had to tell Marcus his pet rabbit had gone forever." Maximus murmured, saying the first thing that came to his mind.

Lucilla sighed deeply, "Lucius does not know he had a sister.  Annia was more than a year older than he."

"I see." Maximus fell silent for a little while, his mind musing on the last detail. There was something wrong in it. He knew Lucius was born almost at the same time Marcus had been born, which meant that Lucilla gave birth to Annia just few months after her marriage with Lucius Verus.... The Spaniard's head snapped up, a sudden idea crossing his mind. "When was Annia born, exactly?"

His tone meant business and as much as Lucilla would have liked not to tell him the truth, she knew she couldn't lie to him again. "She was born seven months after my marriage." She swallowed hard, "She was your daughter, Maximus." 

He grew deadly pale, shock clear in his gaze, then his eyes narrowed and his face hardened.

"My daughter?" he growled with barely repressed fury. "My daughter?"

Lucilla nodded softly, "Yes."

"Why did you never tell me? Did I not deserve to know it?" He was angry, but also hurt and his voice betrayed him.

"Maximus, I wanted to tell you, but I could not. You know my father forbade further contact between us...and I also wanted to protect you." She reached out to touch his arm, but he wrenched it away.

"Protect me?! Protect me? You are lying! As you have always done with me!" he shouted. "I have always been a toy for you, someone you could control and bend to your wishes!" Like a wounded animal, he lashed out blindly, wanting to hurt her in return, "I wonder if you ever had some real affection for me or if you just played with my feelings!"

"That's not true!" she cried, "I loved you and I lo…"

"Leave off, I don't need to hear any more lies!" he said sarcastically, before rising to his feet, knocking down the board, and leaving the wagon, deaf to Lucilla's desperate pleas to stop. 

*****

Maximus stormed away from the camp and escaped into the forest, just like Lucius had done days before, walking quickly, barely avoiding bushes and low branches, until he reached a little stream and stopped. He breathed deeply, trying to calm down, hoping the murmuring waters could soothe his aching heart. He had a daughter. He had a daughter and he lost her without having any chance to know her. Annia. He tasted the name on his lips. Annia, his little baby. He had always longed for a daughter, but the gods did not see it fit to give to Selene and him more children after Marcus, as much as they had hoped for them. He wondered about Annia; how had she looked? Had she been dark haired like him? Or did she have her mother's light, curly chestnut hair? Her mother...Lucilla. Maximus closed his eyes. He had hurt her minutes before, because it did not seem fair he had to be the only one suffering so much.

But it was not really Lucilla's fault if he had not known anything about his daughter. He remembered how stern and inflexible Marcus Aurelius had been that afternoon of almost twelve years before, when he had ordered him to never again try to see or contact Lucilla and how the emperor had said he was going to command the same to his daughter. He remembered how Marcus had explained to him the dangers for both him and Lucilla if their relationship became known and how his beloved Caesar, years later, had informed him with sadness, that he had to use codes to write his private letters for fear someone might read them. How could Lucilla have written Maximus such important and potentially dangerous news as him being her daughter's real father in that situation? What if the letter had been discovered by Lucius Verus? Or Commodus? Or Faustina, Lucilla's own mother, whose lack of morality had been so well known even in the provinces?

No, Maximus thought, Lucilla had been right to stay silent, thus protecting all the people involved, avoiding that her husband might decide to expose the baby if he discovered the truth. And also, the Spaniard knew it would have been very hard and painful for him to know he had a daughter and not even be able to see her...

He spent some more time in the woods, leaving his place of reflection only when the sun began its descent. Valerius gave him a confused look when he reappeared in camp and he gestured with his head to tell him everything was fine and he could go on with the dinner preparation. The former centurion nodded, but looked under his eyelashes as Maximus entered the wagon, wanting to check Lucilla's condition and apologize with her for his previous outburst. 

*****

Lucilla was lying on her side, her muffled sobs filling the little space and breaking Maximus' heart. She was so lost in pain, she did not notice him, until he sat on her bed and gently took her by the shoulders, raising her to a sitting position and wrapping her in his arms.

When she realized what was going on, she responded to his embrace will all her strength, burying her face in the hollow of his neck and crying louder than before.

"Shh," he soothed her, caressing her back in slow, circular motions. "Everything is alright."

Lucilla raised her wet face to look at him, "I did not want to hurt you," she whispered, her voice shaking, "I never intended to. I know I was wrong to lie to you about Lucius Verus, but I did so because I loved you and I desperately wanted to be with you. I never played with you...at least not consciously." She sniffled and paused, waiting for his reaction. Maximus tightened his embrace, to show her he was listening, and she went on. "As for Annia, I would have liked to shout at the entire world you were my baby's real father, but I could not... I could not."

He did not speak, not really trusting his emotions, but he stroked her cheek with his index finger as he had done the night they had met in the _Ludus Magnus and the tenderness in his gaze brought fresh tears into her eyes._

"It seems I am only able to hurt you," she went on, "I caused you only pain and I had you almost killed...I cannot understand how you can bear even the sight of me."

"Don't say so," he whispered, his finger never ceasing in its caress of her cheek and jaw.

"But I betrayed you to Commodus! I told him about your plan to escape! Do you know it?" Lucilla almost shouted.

"Yes, I know it." Maximus said calmly, taking her by the shoulders and staring into her eyes, "But I forgave you long ago. I am almost sure you did it because your brother threatened Lucius." He looked at her inquiringly and she nodded, "I surmised it...In your situation, I would have probably done the same to save my son."

Lucilla doubted it, but she saw he was deadly serious in his claim he had forgiven her. 'I don't deserve your kindness,' she thought, before whispering, "Thank you." and burying her face once again in the hollow of his neck.

This time her tears were not born from pain but from relief. In his safe embrace she released years of guilt, fear and desperation, glad she no longer had to be strong, but could find support in Maximus' great heart. A heart, she vowed solemnly to herself and the gods, she was not going to hurt anymore, for the rest of her life.

*****

Rosy, pale sunbeams filtering inside the wagon disturbed Lucilla's sleep. She tried to roll over, to block them and sleep some more, but a pair of strong arms stopped her. She opened her eyes and stared at Maximus' sleeping face, lying on the pillow at few inches from her own. Her heart began to gallop at this view; how many years had passed since the last time she had awoken in his arms! And how good it felt to have him once again in her bed. Now Lucilla knew why she had slept so well, despite her still lingering illness and the emotional outpour of the past day, she had enjoyed her most restful night in years.

Maximus' presence had kept her safe even in Morpheus' reign. She observed his still slumbering face, barely controlling the urge to caress his bearded cheeks. While sleeping, some of the lines around his eyes and mouth, caused by worries, responsibilities and suffering, lessened or disappeared, making him look younger, much alike he was when they had first met. It pained her to think she might have put some of those lines on his face, but she rejoiced as she remembered his words of forgiveness of the night before. Maximus had truly meant it and she began to wonder if she could dare to hope they still might have a future together. They had yet to discuss what would happen once they reached her estate near Eburacum, but she hoped he would decide to stay and begin a new life with her and Lucius. 

She still loved him, even more now that she had known the terrible pain of losing him and she hoped that, in the course of time, when the wounds of losing his family healed, he might reciprocate her love.

Letting her heart guide her, Lucilla kissed him lightly on his warm lips, then moved her head back to watch him wake up. His eyelashes flickered, then he opened his eyes, blinking a couple of times to focus his vision. Maximus seemed surprised and then embarrassed to find her in his arms, and he tried to move away, but she stopped him by tightening her embrace.

"Good morning," she whispered with a smile.

"Good morning," he replied, a soft look on his face. "How do you feel?" 

"Much better. This was my most restful night in years."

Maximus nodded slowly, "It was the same for me."

"Really?"

"Yes."

They smiled at each other, before he tried to move again. This time she let him go, watching him sit up and smooth his short hair back in place. She would have liked to do so, but she felt it was not the moment.

"So," he asked, "What would you like for breakfast?" 

"Some bread with honey and broth would be very good,"

"Then the lady shall have it." Maximus smiled a boyish grin that left her breathless and prepared to go out. He had just gotten on his feet, before Lucilla reached out her hand and took his wrist. When he looked at her interrogatively, she raised her head and staring into his yes, whispered, "Thank you Maximus. For everything you did, and for having always been here when I needed you."

She saw him swallow hard, then curtly nod, but no words left his lips; it was not necessary, since his expressive blue-green eyes had told her everything she needed to know. There was still hope for them and her heart soared with joy, as she watched him leave the wagon to prepare for the day.

*****

Lucilla's illness and subsequent recovery marked the beginning of a new phase in her and Maximus' relationship. Their discussion had cleared the air between them, blowing away years old feelings, and now they were ready to start to build again on the basis of an affection that had refused to die despite everything and everyone.

It started slowly, with long and tenacious _latrunculi games, played under Lucius' and the soldiers' attentive eyes, with the former legionaries betting among themselves about the eventual winner, and it continued with equally long and poignant talks sitting around the fire or inside the wagon._

In the beginning their conversations were hesitant and tentative, because it was not easy to find safe topics. So they would tell each other about the strange rituals and traditions they had assisted or discovered, Maximus living among the Germans for years, Lucilla travelling large areas of the empire with her father or husband. Lucius, who till that moment had led a very sheltered life and was eager to discover if the real world was anything like the things he had read in the books, especially enjoyed these talks.

But gradually their emotional trust grew, and their talks became deeper and more intimate, no longer suitable for Lucius' ears. Maximus told her about his pain upon discovering his dead family, about his desire to die and his instinct of survival, which did not allow him to simply let it go, but pushed him to continue fighting, enabling him to survive the hard training as a gladiator, and transform himself into The Spaniard. Lucilla in turn spoke about the years spent near Commodus, watching him transform from her little feisty brother into a perverse monster, but still loving him, until his attention for her became incestuous. They also talked about their married lives and mourned the death of their loved ones: Annia, Marcus, Selene. 

Only two topics were resolutely avoided: their past affair and their future once arrived in Britannia, but both of them knew it was only a matter of time.

*****

It was late night but Lucilla was not able to sleep, too many thoughts crowded her mind. It had always been so for her; when she was tense or worried sleep failed to visit her, and during the time Commodus had been Caesar she could count on her hands the nights she had been able to enjoy more than a few hours of rest. Luckily she was no longer living under such stressful conditions, but still her mind was far from relaxed. In the end she gave up any attempt to will herself to sleep and lit up the lamp. She sat up on the bed and looked around the room, the first bedchamber she had been in since leaving Caprae almost three months before. How much road she had covered since that day! In every sense of the word, she smiled to herself.

The little party was now in Gesoriacum, awaiting the departure of the ship to Britannia. It was scheduled for two days later and they had decided to spend them in the finest inn of the town instead of camping outside the walls as they had always done till that moment. "I think we deserve it," Maximus had said with a smile and the rest of the group had been more than ready to agree with him, especially when the innkeeper had told them, with barely contained pride, his building had a small private bathing resort, always at his guests' disposal. Even Lucius, who like many children did not have a great fondness for baths, had jumped with joy at the news and passed almost an hour splashing in the pool. It was really a good thing there were only few guests in the inn, because their group ended up occupying the bathroom for almost all the afternoon. Lucilla thought back about how pleasurable her long soak in the pool had been, and suddenly decided that perhaps a warm bath would have been good to help her relax. Without losing time, she dressed again, took a linen towel and left the room.

A few minutes later she was once again in the _calidarium, her hair coiled, her head resting on the marble edge of the tub as small clouds of steam rose around her from the warm water. She was not concerned someone might disturb her, because she had paid the slave guarding the baths not to let anyone inside, in the improbable eventuality someone else wanted to take a bath at such a late hour. _

Her eyes closed, Lucilla willed her body to relax and let her mind wander. Predictably enough, her thoughts went to Maximus and she reached the conclusion he was the cause of her tension. It was not something he had done but, rather something he - they - had failed to; they had yet to discuss what was going to happen once they arrived to Eburacum. Yes, it was true, there was still time before their travel came to an end, but it looked like the imminent sea journey marked a sort of turning point for her. As if her new life was going to really begin once she stepped in Britannia and she was desperate to know if Maximus was going to be part of it, but at the same time she was still afraid to ask him. It was a no-win situation and she did not like it a bit...Lucilla's eyes snapped open as she heard footsteps echoing in the far side of the bathroom. Who was there? And why had the slave outside not stopped the newcomer or alerted her? She looked frantically to where she had left her tunic and robe and was about to swim in that direction, when the steps ceased and she heard a loud gasp. She turned around, her arms crossed over her breasts and took a look.

It was Maximus. 

He was standing near the pool, dressed with a wine-red tunic and with a towel on his arm. He was staring at her, a stunned expression on his handsome face. Lucilla stared back at him speechless, until she noticed how hard it was for him to keep his eyes from wandering to the top of her breast, which were barely covered by her still crossed arms. That realization made her heartbeat quicken, as she thought perhaps she was on the verge of getting the answer she had prayed for. But still she did not speak and after some moments of silence, Maximus blinked his eyes and cleared his throat. "I… I am sorry Lucilla... I thought nobody was here. I will leave you alone now. Goodnight." He bowed his head to her and turned around but before he was even able to take a step, Lucilla called, "Maximus, stop!"

And just as he had done eighteen months before in Vindobona, the Spaniard stopped.

Lucilla rose to stand up in the pool, letting her arms fall to her sides, and when Maximus turned again, there was no barrier to block his vision of her. 

She was stunning, with the water sliding down her body, which was different, more full and curvy than he remembered in his memories. It was the body of a woman, not a girl. Maximus' eyes did not know where to look first and he seemed to want to drink in all of her at the same time. Lucilla stood still under his scrutinizing glance, without any shame or embarrassment but her heart was hammering in her chest. She too stared at Maximus, observing his reaction to her. 

He was not indifferent to her, not indifferent at all. His beautiful blue-green eyes were dilated, his nostrils were flaring, his jaw was tense, his breath was hurried and a telltale bulge had appeared under his tunic. 

They stayed still for what seemed an eternity, then Maximus reached out his arm. He did not say a single word, but simply waited for her to leave the tub, cross the room and take his hand. When she was in front of him, he unfolded the linen towel he had carried with him and wrapped it around Lucilla, drying her body with strong but gentle strokes, his burning eyes never leaving hers. When she was dry, he tied the towel around her and bent down, sweeping her into his arms, walking then out of the room.

Lucilla was amazed by his behaviour, by his intensity and by his continued silence, and tried to break his composure, grabbing his head and kissing him on the mouth. His reaction was immediate; he stopped walking, opened his lips and kissed her back with a barely controlled urge, making her understand he had not acted till that moment for fear he was going to lose his control and take her now and here, on the cold marble pavement. She would not have really minded it, so great was her need, but she appreciated his desire for privacy. Maximus let go of her lips and resumed his walk with a much faster pace. 

When they left the bathroom, Lucilla caught a glimpse of the sleeping slave, understanding why he had not stopped the Spaniard from going inside. She smiled to herself, silently thanking the boy for it. 

*****

Once in her bedroom, Maximus bolted the door, always balancing Lucilla in his arms, then he walked to the middle of the chamber and put her down. Her towel fell almost in its own volition, leaving her naked once again. This time Maximus did not limit himself to only looking.

 THIS PART HAD BEEN EDITED FOR IT CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEX. If you wish to read it, please e-mail me at this address: droit_et_loyal@telvia.it  I will be happy to send it to you.

When they had recovered, Maximus and Lucilla snuggled up to each other, facing each other and exchanging little, tender, affectionate kisses, sharing their happiness in silence.  No words were needed to express their feelings, they were too clear in their slowly closing eyes, and they had already pledged their vows to each other. 

As sleep came to claim them, Maximus and Lucilla knew that after all their troubles and suffering they were finally together and they were going to be for the rest of their lives. ****

*****

They spent the following day secluded in her bedroom, making love and talking, with only a brief pause to reassure Lucius they were both fine and to leave him in the care of an amused and happy Valerius.

When they finally emerged from the room it was already dinnertime, and it was in front of a proverbial Lucullian meal that, their hands joined, Maximus and Lucilla announced their intention to marry.

Lucius received the news with a jubilant cry and only his and his mother's presence stopped Valerius and Glaucus from giving free rein to their happiness for their general.  Maximus had no doubts he was going to receive plenty of friendly and explicit pieces of 'advice' about his future role as a husband, however, as soon as Lucilla and the child left them alone.He did not need them, but for sure it would be fun to hear them! He thought with laughter.

EPILOGUE

Eburacum, 187AD 

"Lunch is ready, my lady." The _ancella announced to Lucilla, "Do you want me to go out and alert the master?"_

"No, Delia, there is no need. Just take care that the food is served on the table, then go to find your husband while I search for mine." 

"It is not necessary, Lucilla, Valerius is already sitting in the _triclinium." The two women exchanged a look of understanding, before the maid returned to the kitchen to give instructions to the servants._

Lucilla watched her go and smiled, thinking how good life had turned out to be, both for her and her friend. When she had left Delia in Caprae she had thought she would not see her again. Instead, almost a year later, someone had knocked on the villa's door and there she was, her childhood friend and trusted confidant. She had travelled from Rome - after prying the location of her mistress' new home from Senator Gracchus - with a merchant caravan and arrived in Eburacum just in time to help Lucilla to give birth to her second son, Maximus _Iunior. _

And then, when it seemed life could not become even better, Delia had fallen in reciprocated love with Valerius, now Maximus' right hand on the farm, and the two of them had married, to her mistress' and her husband's delight.

Lucilla's smile widened as she walked out into the courtyard searching for Maximus and their children. She found them easily; they were in the barn, all sitting in the hay, as Maximus was showing to_ Iunior and the twins Marcia and Galeria how to handle and caress some kittens. It was such a tender scene to see her children play with the little creatures - after all, in a certain sense they were all puppies - she was moved to tears by it. Maximus chose that moment to turn his head and, seeing her, he flashed her a boyish, warm grin that made her knees tremble. Five years together had only increased and strengthened their love for each other, as her body's reaction showed._

"Lunch is ready," she called approaching the barn.

He nodded, then turned to the children. "Did you hear Mama? Let the kittens go, they too must eat now." Maximus stood up and helped Iunior, a dark haired, blue eyed sturdy four-year-old, Marcia and Galeria, who were miniature copies of their mother, to do the same, brushing away the hay from their clothes. His gestures were so gentle it would have been almost impossible to associate him to the man who had once been Rome's greatest general and most feared gladiator and Lucilla was happy he finally had the possibility to be just what he wanted to be; a husband, a father, and a farmer.

He scooped up both twins into his arms, while Lucilla took Maximus _Iunior by the hand. As they were crossing the yard, they saw a horse approach, carrying Lucius, just returned from some errands in the city. The youngster jumped down from the saddle and a groom ran to take care of the animal._

"Just in time for lunch," commented Lucilla with an affectionate glance at her tall, strong and tanned fifteen-year-old son.

"You know Mother, my stomach never fails to alert me when it is time to eat!" Lucius grinned, then walked near Maximus, who was still embracing the two squirming two-year-old twins and said, "May I?" before taking Galeria into his own arms. When the toddler was comfortable he added, "While I was in town, I met the _duumviri and they asked me if you would like to become a member of the city assembly."_

"And what did you reply?" Asked Maximus.

"That I would let you know, and that I was sure you would be honored by their offer, but that I suspected you won't be interested." 

"Good answer. I will visit them next time I am in town. Thank you for telling me."

Lucius waved his thanks away and entered the house carrying his sister, just as Delia and another servant came out.

"Lunch is ready, master."

"Thank you Delia, we will be inside in a minute. In the meantime, can you take care of the little man and woman here and take them to wash their hands?" Maximus smiled.

"Of course, _domine." Delia and the other woman stepped forward and took the children in their arms, going into the villa as Maximus and Lucilla remained outside. He looked at the large expanse of their farm, then smiled at his wife. "The __duumviri should have asked you to join the assembly. You are the real politician among us."_

"I was. Now I am just a wife and a mother."

Maximus turned to face her and murmured, "Sometimes I get worried this life is not enough for you, used as you were to Rome's social life and political arena."

"Don't ever worry about it, my love," she caressed his cheek, "this is just what I need now." Her hand gestured at him, their home and the fertile fields surrounding them. "I had enough 'excitement' in Rome to last for a lifetime and here I have so many things to do I have no free time to get bored." She paused and an impertinent smile appeared on her still beautiful face, "And when I actually find some free time, I usually know what to do..." her voice died in a sultry whisper.

"And that would be?" Maximus enquired, arching an eyebrow.

"I like to invent new ways to keep you entertained at night..."

"Oh, but this is really interesting." His eyes darkened with desire, and he took her in his arms. "Can't you give me some details about it?"

"No, you will have to wait till tonight." 

She caressed his short, soft hair, which was still dark, but for some silver strands near his temples.

"I understand...Well, let's see if this makes you change your mind..." 

They kissed passionately for several moments, with Maximus showing his wife there was not any risk he might get bored with her, and Lucilla being on the verge of granting his request and sneaking into the barn with him, when Lucius' voice called from inside the house.

"Maximus! Mother! Are you coming? The children are hungry! I am hungry!"

Lucilla and Maximus separated, smiled at each other and with a look that promised 'Tonight', they entered their villa hand in hand.

THE END

Historical notes:

**The Course of Honour (_cursus honorum): established by Augustus, was the series of steps a man coming from a senatorial or equestrian family had to take during his political career. Senators and knights followed different paths and had access to different offices, but both the 'courses' began with the military service as tribunes, when the young men were 20 years old or so. After the tribunate, the young man became a __quaestor, an __aedilis, a __praetor, and a consul. To become a general of a legion, the Roman man had to become at least a __praetor, because the Roman army did not follow the rules of promotion as our modern army (even if not all the __praetors became generals; only one who had distinguished himself while serving as tribune was chosen to command a legion, for a period of three years). Now, coming to Maximus, we have a major problem, because Marcus Aurelius tells us Maximus has never been to Rome, which would have been practically impossible in real life, because he should have served his political career there to become so popular to be chosen as Commander of the entire Army of the North. This story is my attempt to give an explanation to this contradictory fact. _**

**The real Lucilla and her son Lucius Verus plotted against Commodus in 182AD and were exiled to Caprae before being executed.**


End file.
